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my dad molested me and now hes dying-should I see him?

I completely cut my parents out of my life 5yrs ago. they both molested me and my dad was very controlling and made my life hell. I feel fine not having them apart of my life or my kids, life has never been better, but I got a call saying hes got water by his heart and possably cancer. basically hes to the poin that he wont have many years left to live. I have forgaven him and my mom but I dont have real sympathy for him and almost feel like I dont care. My question is do you believe I should allow him back into my life because he may be dying? my husband says no way, and he wont allow him to see our kids. I guess im feeling guilty

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babycakes111

Asked by babycakes111 at 8:17 PM on Sep. 25, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (16)
  • Do what you think is right but mom and dad forfeited their rights to your love when they betrayed you. You should have no guilt if you decide not to let him back in. Not sure I'd let him back but it's your life.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:20 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • you have nothing to feel guilty about. and you should not trust the with your children. if you however feel the need to open the lines of communication again then that is your call and only you and your husband can decide this. if he was to die next week, would you regret not having a relationship with him/them? if you say no then i say go on living your life. if you feel like you would regret it maybe you should pick up the phone and give him a call.
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 8:20 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • No way.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 8:21 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • OP HERE- no I dont think I would regret not having a relationship. like I said am a much happier person without them. just feeling guilty. some people that know them say im wrong "for making him suffer"
    babycakes111

    Answer by babycakes111 at 8:23 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • He made YOU suffer in far more a horrible way. Do those that tell you that, know this? If you wont regret seeing him then dont. If you do because others tell you should because by not doing so he "suffers" then he is still controlling you.
    AdensMommy1107

    Answer by AdensMommy1107 at 8:27 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • OP- and yes the ppl that try to make me feel bad know the situation
    babycakes111

    Answer by babycakes111 at 8:30 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • I would say it's your choice, if you know you won't feel guilty for it then don't go, don't worry. If you think you'll regret it and think about it long after he's gone then go and make an appearance, see what he has to say or you have to say to him and then leave.
    My mother dis owned her father, he was an alcoholic and treated her mother like poop, he also tried to force himself on one of my cousins when intoxicated, he died in the hospital she didn't go see him, she only went to his funeral to support her brothers and sisters who kept a relationship with him. She does not regret it or think about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • Oh but I wouldn't get your kids involved.... if you decide to go...go alone. It's between you and your parents.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • You have nothing to feel guilty about. YOU were the one betrayed and let down by your own parents. I would have to wonder why now you would even want to have something to do with him if you have been 5 yrs away from that part of your life. In those 5 yrs did they go out of their way to include you in their lives...have they apologized for being poor parents? Ultimately, it is your choice but don't do it out of guilt. Do it for closure.
    sonja911

    Answer by sonja911 at 8:46 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • what makes him your father? Did he kiss your boo boos when you fell off your bike? Did he give you away at your wedding? Did he tuck you in at night and sing you lullabys? Did he get up early on saturday mornings to watch cartoons with you? if he wasnt a fther to you then you arent a daughter to him adn you need to concern yourself with his health issues je was going to die eventually anyways the fact that it is a tragic death doesnt give you back your innocence or a father. if it makes you feel better to see him see him ifit doesnt dont but dont feel obligated to do a damn thing cause he wasnt a good father to you. also it would be okay to go and see him once and say "I am here because I need closure, and I want to say goodbye. But we can never have a healthy relationship because of what you did and I simply am not willing to put myself through teh hell of watching someone who hurt me so badly die a slow and painful death."
    katiekruschke

    Answer by katiekruschke at 8:49 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

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