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What is the best way to divorce while remaining ongood terms, and eventually becoming friends again?

My husband and I have been having many problems. There isn't a day I don't wish I was independent, with someone loving, and not "stuck". I'm not sure if I should wait this divorce out until I have my degree so I don't have to live off the system and my parents while taking care of our son (since he's declared he won't pay child support), or if it would be best for us to start it now (peacefully). I don't want his family to hate me, I want the best for him and them, but they're going to do what they're going to do i suppose. When I've told him I am ready to separate he doesn't take me seriously. I'd like him to move out, and continue school like I am. I don't know if there's a good way to do a divorce without it being ugly and hurting his feelings terribly bad. He constantly is talking down to me, and wanting to change me, It seems like he's want this- except that he doesn't. What would you do?

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Asked by MissCrystal707 at 8:38 PM on Sep. 25, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • You can go to the same lawyer and work the divorce out together. My first husband and I did this. I never even had to go to court. It was cheap and easy. If you don't own a house and the only things to decide are custody, visitation and support you can do it this way. There are support tables the courts use to calculate and if he says he won't pay it would be best to arrange to have it taken from his pay right away. He has to pay support.

    It sounds like you are trying to play nice and he is being a jerk. He doesn't respect you. If he is hurt by the divorce it is his own fault for not treating you in a way that you want to be with him.

    Why would his parents hate you? They must know how he is.

    I would say the sooner the better.

    Answer by Gailll at 9:12 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • First off he can't refuse to pay child support but if you can tolerate the jackas* then live off of him until school is out. I did when I left my xh. We are finally on good terms but it's taken us 30 yrs

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:19 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • Divorce and break-ups always end on bad terms sweetie, unless both people feel the same exact way. But in the end, it comes full circle and you either learn to co-exist after it happens or you become the sort of people who sit around and talk to each other. My grandmother still goes to my grandfather's house and they've been divorced for almost 25 years. She still calls him everyday to check on him and he still ends up saying he loves her, but they know it wasn't meant to work out and it was terrible for both of them when they were together.

    And second, he might say he isn't payign child support, but if you file for it or apply for public assistance (welfare or a medical card for your child) he will be brought to court to pay for either the money you're recieving from welfare or child support. There is no refusing to pay it; if you don't pay it, you go to jail and it ends up as backpay you pay when you do get a job.

    Answer by zeroblivion at 11:01 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • I guess first off I would never stay in a marriage simply because you need the money and support. Marriage should mean more then that. Try going to counseling, working it out.

    Answer by Brittany.Dann at 5:07 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

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