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what was she thinking?

my DD 13 i finally allowed her and my DS15 stay the night with there bio father for the first time in 7-8 yrs. i asked my DD the other day if she wanted her hair cut and she said no i love my hair long. well she calls me about hour and half ago to tell me she got it cut. they cut her hair after her calling me and me saying no they cut her hair anyway. WTF now they are coloring her hair black with red streaks. who does there bio father and his girlfriend think they are. trust me i wont be leting her go back over there again. should i be mad at them? them not having anything to do with her in 7-8 yrs, and the first time i allow her to stay over they do this. i'm so angry. i'm trying to calm down b4 they bring her home at 5 cause i will totally go off on him and his girlfriend. would yall be mad?

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okc-mom-2

Asked by okc-mom-2 at 3:38 PM on Sep. 26, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • hair is hair---mine can dye it 40 colors if they want...I understand the point is probaly bc you said no and they did it anyway, but is hair really worth the fight? They didnt do anything to hurt your DD, she had good time...
    Keeping her away is not fair, IMO atleast. Maybe he is trying to reach out to her and get to know her again?
    bumblebeestingu

    Answer by bumblebeestingu at 3:43 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • You are entitled to be upset after something is done after an answer is specifically given. I would be upset about the lack of respect shown by both father and daughter. About the hair.it grows back. Children have such a hard time with image. Tell her she is beautiful. If the hair is extreme give it 2 weeks then tell her the roots are showing and get it done right. Or save it for Halloween and make a joke of it.
    h3art2h0m3

    Answer by h3art2h0m3 at 3:47 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • She is 13. If she walked into a salon with money, they would cut her hair the way she asked, so there's not a lot of difference between him giving her the money to do it and them doing it when your not there.
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 3:48 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • They can go to court and get court ordered visitation.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:49 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • just to get it straight i didn't keep my kids from there bio father he didn't want anything to do with them till now he hasn't payed child support, visit them while they was in the hospital when they was younger or anything. then my kids asked if they could go and i finally gave in. my point is why even call and ask me if they was going to do ot anyway.
    okc-mom-2

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 3:51 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • I think you are mad that you aren't the one that got her hair cut because you asked her prior to her going if she wanted it shorter....sounds like you are just being a bit bitter about the whole thing, IMO, not to mention childish. What she is doing with her father now will be a memory and as long as he is spending quality time with her now and being good to her, that is what you need to focus on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • Are you really mad because she didn't let you cut it? You asked her and she said no, then she called and said Dad did it. Sounds to me like you're nose is out of joint about her choosing someone she hasn't been with for so long.....jealousy perhaps?
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 4:04 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • OP I would be pissed! I agree what was the point of calling and asking if they were going to do it anyway? I would NOT be mad at my daughter though, I would be upset with her dad because he should have more respect for you and your daughter. The hair coloring, I am sorry but no thirteen year old girl needs something so extreme as black with red streaks....I think you have every reason to be upset.
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 4:18 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • I have a 14 year old and I am just going to say pick your battles. Talk to the dad about it. Ask him if he knew the conversation you had with your daughter. Dont say anything to the girlfriend that will make things worse. Hair is hair, it will grow and change and this is just probably the first of many issues with her hair. She probably changed her mind and she is the one who has to walk around with it. If they are safe and fed I would let it go. You do need to have a conversation with the father. If you daughter specifically went against what you said you shouldtalk to her about doing that, period. She may start trying to pit you and her father against each other to get what she wants.
    stickyfingers

    Answer by stickyfingers at 4:50 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • Trust me it is the age! I have 4 girls and as soon as they feel they can push the boundries they will.
    Last christmas my sisters bil had his 13 yr old daughter for the first time in 6 yrs. her older brother has a gf with pink hair....the 13 yr old went back to her mom with pink hair!

    but yeah i also remember when my now 18 yr old daughter was 13, her and a friend got right neon orange,yellow and pink hair dye and dyed their hair....their perfect blonde hair! I told her to change it so she picked a dark brown. When that grew out she got black stripes.

    don't be too mad about it, if thats the worst thing that happened then be grateful. Trust me alot of crap goes on during visits and this is pretty low key.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

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