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how do you leave someone when you're too afraid to do so?

i'm not happy with my husband. i mean we get along fine a lot of the time. bnut we do argue a lot. he is not working and doesn't help me around the house. i'm just tired of dealing with things. if i was to kick him out, i would not have a car to get to work... nor would i have a babysitter and the daycare here only has an opening 2 days a week. but anyways, im scared to try to get rid of him. not that he will hurt me or anything... i guess i'm afraid of not being able to make it. but i know i would have more money if i did! I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I GUESS.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Sep. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You will have more money but not sure of making it? I'm confused. What if you moved closer to work or close to a bus line or carpool with a coworker. I had 3 kids and called the local university. I allowed a student to live with me for free and in return she babysat for me. Maybe someone you work with needs a room mate and maybe knows a good sitter. Just ask and plan before you tell him to leave. If he is not working he can watch the child, too. There are always options.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:09 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • You don't need him to make it; you can do it. There are ways and I know you'll do everything in your power to care for your kids. If you are not happy, the kids will sense it and if there are problems (arguing a lot and kids know) between you and your husband it probably isn't a good environment for your kids to be in. Be prepared and have a plan before you do so.
    heartfrommyson

    Answer by heartfrommyson at 11:14 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • leaving is a process. I left my ex-husband 3 times before it was forever. call the area women's shelter or resource center. they have emergency child care, pet care, clothing, and many other good freebies. get your family to rally around you. it's okay to ask for help. i'll say it again. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. if you are really bad off with this man, you will find a way. cars, houses, clothes--- these are just objects. if he is standing in the way of your children's success, then you'll find a way! you can do it!
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 11:21 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • I have been unhappy w/ my husband plenty and struggled w/ hurt that came from our past, i felt like i hated him but now to look back i'm so thankful we didnt split and worked it out i never thought i could be this happy.....Its like were dating again and has been this way for a couple yrs now....... You have to think..... what made u fall in love w/ him? why did you marry him? why have kids? you loved this man right? does he love you still? does he want you? why not go to counseling and work on things for awhile? Dont do something you will regret is all i'm saying...... but i dont know ur situation just wanted to tell u a little effort goes a long way and you could be happier in the long run instead of a single mom struggling, frustrated, and hurt.
    Armywife510

    Answer by Armywife510 at 11:27 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • to admckenzie... i do think i would have more money cause i wouldnt have the "stupid" bills... netflix, and xboxlive, he golfs... stuff like that. but i dont know what i would do for babysitter and a car...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • i appreciate that armywife... i have thought about marriage counseling, i dont think he would go for it though... i dont know. how do i bring up something like that?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Sep. 26, 2009

  • you should definitely try counseling before you commit to leaving. you made a commitment to each other. you obviously loved each other at one point in time. i dont know how many kids are involved, but you really owe it to them-to be honest-to try some resources first. counseling can really save a relationship... believe it or not.
    AmyJoost

    Answer by AmyJoost at 12:02 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • RE: Counseling:

    "Honey, we need help with our marriage. I've set an appointment with a marriage counselor. You can come with me or NOT. I am going whether or not you go."

    And then DO IT.

    I've found through life that the direct, straight from the hip approach works best. No sugar coating, no backing into it. Say what you mean to say.

    SOunds to me like counseling is really what the two of you need. rather than separation. If you go on your own, then you can get a third party perspective on whether separation is truly needed.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:25 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • Do you still have feelings? or are you just in a rut and don't know how to get out?

    there is alot to consider here, it's not you have cat and have changed your mind,lol
    this is marriage, family, the whole ball game.
    With my first husband I got tired of him and took all his crap and put his lunch food in a cooler then dropped it off in his truck with a letter of how I felt and what would need to change to make our marriage work.
    He moved to his parents small town. He found us a farm house got himself a new job and it was really great for awhile....then he went back to his old ways
    So i reakized you can change the sceneary but the problems will remain without proper help.
    I did leave him and loved being a single mom......because the bills were my bills...it was just cheaper being the only adult...I am married now and resent the expense of having a husband that smokes and drinks...all that is spendy!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • I agree, I would try counseling first. Also, as far as how to get him to go with you, in addition to what the pp's said, if he still puts up resistance, say something like "I'm not happy, and I really feel that right now, our marriage is at a turning point. I'm really trying hard to make it turn in a direction that will improve our relationship and help me to be more happy with things. The way I feel right now, if we don't go to counseling and work on these issues, instead, or marriage is going to turn in the direction of divorce court, and I don't want that. Do you?"

    Also, have you told him flat out that right now, with the economy being what it is - both in and outside the home - you aren't happy or comfortable with the amount he's spending on "extras" like golf, movies, etc. That he either needs to cut back on that, or find a job to support it, because your family budget just can't anymore?

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:02 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

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