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I RESENT MY HUSBANDS PAST...

my husband and i got pregnant with our son (accident) and we ended up getting married quickly. he has two kids from previous marriage.. I was a virgin until i met him (bc of strong christian values) and he had a liberal background and became a christian after meeting me. He had slept around.. dated girls at the same time... lied to his exwife etc. We have never had problems in our 2+ years of marriage but sometimes those thoughts of his past sneak up on me and I end up freaking out bc I feel like I let myself down.. everything I had ever value and kept sacred. In arguments he will say mean stuff like well if you are so miserable then just leave.. do what you have to do! I just cry when he says that... that is NOT me ... I dont believe in divorce and hate how he plays with the idea so casually. advice? thoughts?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 AM on Sep. 27, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • It sounds like more of the problem is you than it being him. Why do you resent his past? He is lucky to have you, there is no competition. You're only hurting your marriage by holding on to the past. Why can't you enjoy what you two have together in the present, and what you have had all along? Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, & today is a gift. That's why it's called "present." I got that off of Kung Fu Panda, but it's a darn good saying nonetheless. LOL. You can't condemn him for what he has did in the past. God himself doesn't want that for him. He is merciful and forgiving and you should be showing that to your husband, not beating him up over all the things he did wrong. He doesn't need it hanging over his head. You act as if you wasted a good thing on something tainted. Why not look at it like you gave something good to someone who needed it? Jesus use to hang out with the sinners, and he did not condemn them
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • To me it does not just sound like your husbands past that is bothering
    you...I feel that there is much more inside of you...
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 12:41 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • you know my dh tells me the same thing, if youre unhappy, just leave. i hate that. i dont like him saying that to me. So i understand. I also have a hard time with my dh past.. he slept with other women, before he met me. He was my first.. So now i think he will cheat on me... So it does hurt.. I try my best to forgive ...at least now your husband is a CHRISTIAN. Mine is not there yet, and I am still waiting for that...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • As far as the divorce talk... you are hurting him and so he lashes out t hurt you. You can change this cycle. He can't change his past, no matter how much he might regret it. To bring it up and "freak out" about it is what could tear you apart. This is the reverse thinking of the "damaged goods" ideaology that people usually associate with women who are no longer virgins, whether by choice or force. God has forgiven him and so should you, especially as you promised to love honor and cherish him. That means that you need to accept him as he is. When I met my husband he was Wiccan, now he's a definite believer in God. It took patience and understanding to help him through his confusion and there are still times when he loses his way. We all do, just with different things. The first things you need to do is accept and forgive. Oh and doesn't that give you a "past" if you got pregnant before you were married?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • Maybe your husband is scared that you might leave him. And maybe that's why he says things like "well if you are so miserable then just leave.. do what you have to do!" Maybe he wants to see if you really would leave him so easily if at all. It sounds to me like he is disappointed. And, do you think that since you were a virgin that you could do better? Do you feel like you love your husband?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • The past is gone. The past is done. There is nothing you can do now to change it. Do not waste your energy on it. God wants you to be happy and enjoy your husband. Focus on your love for him and being a great wife to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • i completely understand about ur husbands past, well the past is the past u were not together so unless he is acting the same then no worries about hun u are only adding more stress than needed to yourself, i felt the same way with my husband but i learned to get over it,put my faith in god's hand thankfully my hubby an i have been together for 3 yrs. he tells me the smae thing but i see it as a test. i wish u the best of luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • I hope you aren't bringing up the past all the time with your husband. =]
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • When a spouse tears down another spouse , it brings both of you down. What you need to do is to be blessing and honoring him. He needs to learn to do the same.
    I understand in some ways how you feel. Although both my husband and I were virgins before marriage. He does tend to tear me down and tell me to leave as well. All I do is lean into Jesus and have Him carry me through it. You need to forgive your husband of his past. You also need to ask your husband to break soul ties with all those women. I believe it is coming in between the two of you. Unhealthy soul ties from past sexual relations can get carried from relationship to relationship and affect the person your with. Many people do not understand that this is why God made marriage sacred and to remain a virgin until you are with the one you marry . Each person they were attatched to, you still have a fragment of them within you. You become one with not only.
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 1:43 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • your spouse but with them too.. yes it is YUCK! It is probably why it pops up within you because you are one with your spouse. oops I mean each person he was attached to , he will still have a fragment of them within his spirit.

    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 1:45 AM on Sep. 27, 2009

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