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1 birth was a really bad experience and now I'm getting scared of having baby #2...

I had a really horrible expierence with my son's birth. I got sent home in false labor to have my son start crowning in the car. My doctor and all of the nurses were rude the entire time. On top of that, my doctor gave me an episiotomy with no form of pain relief without even bothering to say she was doing it or ask. I have switched doctors and I really like this group of CNMs. They are fantastic! I even switched hospitals. And I'm still a nervous wreck. I have a good 5 or 6 months until this baby is born, but I really want to do whatever I can to be prepared. Since I went all natural (unexpectedly!) last time I am once again going natural. If I did it once, I know I can do it again. I would like to know things I can do to relieve my stress right now and things I can do to help with the pain in labor. And I want to know if there's anyway I can avoid an episiotomy with this baby. Thanks!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Sep. 27, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (14)
  • well with my 1st dd I almost died. I was bleeding to death because my placenta wouldnt detached. It was horrible and soo painful. I too was scared to give birth again, and the only thing that settled me down was actually giving birth. Depsite the idiot nurse who told me I didnt know what a contraction was, she was one of my nurses when I had my 1st only 14 months prior and she remembered me, anyways... I had a wonderful labor. I practacly went all natural except I had an epidural 40 min before I delivered, I was in labor for 6hrs, GL

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 3:25 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • and as for the epis. Tell them you really dont want one, its your decision

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 3:27 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • I went through a lot of bad things with my first baby too. He was turned wrong and somehow the doctor missed it. Long story short, the labor felt like it lasted forever and I ended up with a fourth degree tear on top of the episiotomy. I hurt so bad for the next two weeks when the pain finally faded into just an uncomfortable feeling.

    It's good you changed doctors and you like this one. If they are nice now, chances are they will be during your delivery. I changed too and it made a world of difference. My second delivery was everything I wished the first could have been. Relax as much as you can. You've already made a good choice. As for avoiding the episiotomy this time, I don't have much advice. You might not even need one. I didn't. As crude as it sounds, the first one sort of stretches the area and the second one is almost always easier to have.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 3:29 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • Well, you took this best steps you could have taken to avoid this mess this time! CNMs are the best! Having new providers may, alone, be enough to not have such a scary experience.
    CNMs VERY rarely perform episiotomies. If they perform one, it's because the baby needs to get out NOW. Doctor's are much more likely to perform them, as it hurries things along, and it's easier to stitch up a straight line than a tear (though a tear heals better).
    I think that meeting all the midwives in the practice you're with now will help ease your anxiety. Have you actually dealt with your first experience? I had a traumatic experience, too, with my first, and it took a lot of writing it out, talking to people about it, and crying to really get through it. Some people don't realize how much it can affect mommies to have such awful experiences. You might try talking to a counselor, too. Find some moms in your area that know a lot about

    Answer by musicpisces at 3:30 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • birth, and moms who have had tough births. Having support is really good.
    I hope the next one goes smoothly for you! I think you're taking the right steps, and I'm sure things will go better for you!!

    Answer by musicpisces at 3:30 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • I too had a bad experience. I ended up with 3rd degree tear and my mom and hubby thought i was gonna bleed to death, it took him an hour to stop my bleeding and stitch me up, then healed wrong and he sliced the extra skin off in office! that son was only 5#14oz and for my next one they said he was gonna be 1pd to pound and a half bigger..i begged for a c-section and the midwife assured (diff hospital) that they would take care of me and do the oil and massage..sure enough he weighed 7#4oz and i had the tinest tear, no stitch and no pain! i was walking and all! i think with you switch to CNM it will be better. Be upfront and let them know your worries and fears. YOU know your body and be strong about what your feeling! I said NO episodem the first time andhe was such an ass, he didn't but ripped his gear off in mid labor left room and said call me when she is ready! You can do it! It will be better this time!

    Answer by ramjamnamsmom at 3:40 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • You're first birth sounds similar to mine. First time was a nightmare- went natural, 23 hour labor with 3hrs of pushing, episiotomy, no drugs.

    The second baby I was in labor for 4 hours, I did get the epidural because I was so freaked out by birth #1- but I was already 6-7 cm and the contractions were painful but manageable. I pushed maybe 5 times and she was born.

    I was scared to death for the second birth, but it was very smooth and I actually got to enjoy my dd being born and I had enough energy left to hold her and feed her right away.

    I hope you have a great birth experience this time!

    Answer by ave.maria. at 4:22 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • Talk to your new CNM about your past experience and your fears. Read all you can about different ways of coping with pain & stress during labor so you're prepared. Take the tour of your new hospital and ask all the questions you can think of. Make sure you know what their "standard" procedures are and which ones are really not necessary. If you're not aware of all your options, then you don't really have any. It's your birth, your body & your baby, so don't let someone else take it from you or force you into procedures you're uncomfortable with.
    I had 2 unmedicated vaginal births, each in a different hospital. My first was good overall, but the second time around I was more informed and just had a better experience because I knew what to expect, and I had a better relationship with my 2nd midwife. I had 1 stitch the first time, and not a single tear or cut the second time.

    Answer by raybird1031 at 4:39 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • My first was a really bad experience, too. My doc was great, except that he induced me. The induction failed, so after 40 hours of hard labor and not progressing, I had a c-section. My second was an emergency c-section with no labor, just plain scary.
    My third was a VBAC. It was so much better. I showed up at the hospital pushing, but I prefer it that way, no having to deal with pushy nurses. It took me about 20 min. to push her out. No episiotomy, because I requested not to have one, but I did have a 2nd degree tear. It's healed up well, though.

    Answer by tyrelsmom at 4:44 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • I think all 1st births are bad, maybe it's God's way of saying don't be greedy! It could be because most 1st births are unplanned, or because it's a new experience to a woman, and we make it worse by being scared.
    My second child was a breeze. She ripped me, and it was 8 hours, but very easy labor. I told my doctors how scared I was because of the first time, and changed hospitals, etc. I also knew what doctor I would have at delivery and I was very at ease with her. It helps to be more prepared, and CALM. I was happy because I knew I would have my body to myself again.

    Answer by mumma28 at 4:46 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

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