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Should I leave the grandparents alone as well?? HELP!!!!

My sons father does not have time for my son because it cuts into his time for selling weed, hanging with friends and sleeping with another/other women. When I used to tell his mom our problems, she would say that she and her husband didn't want to get in our business just make sure her grandson is taken care of. Now that I have left her son alone and gotten tired of his nonsense, all of a sudden she and her husband wants me to spend the weekend with them so that they can see their grandson. My question is, since they couldn't help me when I needed them, should I "help" them see their grandson? Should I leave them alone as I have done my sons dad? Funny thing is, they are nice people but so was their son when he wanted something. "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree", so to speak. I don't want to be bothered with them or him. Please help, I think my decision is right, but what do you think Cafemom family?

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Asked by Queentdi at 8:19 PM on Sep. 27, 2009 in About CafeMom

Level 4 (55 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Tell them to come visit your son. You shouldn't have to go to them and certainly don't have to stay with them.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:21 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • i agree if they really want to see there grandson they should come and see him you shouldnt have to stay wth them sounds like they are trying to keep tabs on you

    Answer by mom2kaydence09 at 8:25 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • It's your call, it'd probably be nice for the kid to have more family and even if their son can't make a commitment to him they sound nice enough.

    Answer by staciandababy at 8:26 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • thank you. my uncle was saying i should be the bigger man and take on his responsibility as well. but i'm doing enough by going to school full time finding babysitters because i dont work and can't afford day care. plus my baby is healthy, happy, and stress-free since daddy isn't showing up every other blue moon. i agree with you and me. you've given me good feedback before admckenzie. thanks again

    Answer by Queentdi at 8:27 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • thank you all ladies. i didnt want to be that mommy who keeps the child away from the other side of the family, but i have come to realize that i'm not that woman. i'm just the woman who keeps her child from heartache and herself from stress.

    Answer by Queentdi at 8:29 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • :) Do what's best for your child, don't play into their games and keep doing all you can for you and your son! :)

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 8:33 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • Girl, I will tell you from my own experience with my ex's family...DON'T GO THERE! Tell them if they want to see their grandchild, THEY COME AND SEE HIM! I made it so easy for my ex's parents. I took my daughter to see them at work and even took her to their house and let them spend Xmas or Xmas eve with her (then I'd have her the other one). We lived 20 mins. from them, and they even had ANOTHER grandchild who lived 5 mins. from us, and they went every weekend to get him and keep him for the weekend, but they NEVER made the additional 5 mins. drive to come see my daughter. I did that for 3 yrs., then we moved out of state, and I continued to make it easy for them. I paid out of my own pocket (and I wasn't getting child support from their son and they never sent her money for anything) to keep open a post office box for her so they could communicate with her. Due to my ex being violent with me, I never gave our address to them

    Answer by JamiDesigns at 8:43 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • I did that for 4 yrs. and she might have gotten a total of 10 pieces of mail in that period of time. We moved to yet another state, and this time, I wasn't going to open anymore po boxes. I did it for the first 6 mos. we lived here, and our daughter got like 2 pieces of mail from her grandparents. So, now they have had our physical address for about 5 mos. now, and she has NOT YET received one piece of mail. We went back to the state where they live because my family lives out there too and my sister gave us a baby shower, so while we were out there, our daughter got to see her grandparents while we were there. I invited them to our baby shower, eventhough our baby boy is not their grandchild. They came to it and gave us a gift too. They were happy to see our daughter, but honestly, she could have cared less about seeing them. She doesn't really know them because when they had the chance to get to know her, they didn't take

    Answer by JamiDesigns at 8:46 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • advantage of it and now she doesn't really think of them as her grandparents. She was calling them by their names at the baby shower and it made her grandma upset. Well, 6 weeks later her grandpa lost his battle with leukemia, and we were already back home, so she didn't get to attend his funeral. My final point is...the easier you make it for them, the more they are going to take advantage of you. DON'T DO IT!

    Answer by JamiDesigns at 8:48 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • wow jamidesigns. Sorry you went through all of that. But your story was so very helpful. I can't take care of them and me. And I won't. i won't I won't I won't. My gut was telling me not too and you all are basically saying the same so, a great big thanks to all. To jamiedesigns: sometimes it takes us as humans a while to learn what is right for us. You put a halt to my regretting something that I wish I had never done. I'm not their child and I'm certainly not their pet. Thank you again.

    Answer by Queentdi at 9:06 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

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