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not really into it--

I really haven't been into sex with my husb of 18 yrs for the last 3 or so years. I love him and wouldn't want to be without him. He is a very good husband and father. I don't mind pleasuring him and even tho he tries, I don't get "my pleasure" out of the session. Yes, I have talked with my DR sereral different times about this. How do I try to make him understand that I really don't mind if I just take care of him?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Sep. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • does he have a problem that you don't get off?

    thats nice that he would care.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 8:29 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • I don't think he'd care about whether you're interested in getting off or not. I'm pretty sure it's a self esteem thing for men. Which I totally understand. If it were reversed, and hubby just pleasured me to get me off, but I could do nothing to give him pleasure it would cause self-doubt, self-consciousness, etc etc. But I totally get not being into sex....it's happened to me before. Usually I have so much going on in my little head there's no room for sex. But for me, if I give in, sometimes it's totally worth it. You guys could try spicing things up, I'm not sure how modest you are, but you could try role-playing, or something just fun like massages with scented oil. To get yourself interested in sex a little more, I'd suggest maybe sextoys or even porn. (the porn idea actually comes from I book I got about my "problem" and it's worth a try) Once again, depending on how modest you are. Best wishes!
    Lyssa1025

    Answer by Lyssa1025 at 8:33 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • Bless his heart. Just tell him that you are perimenopausal and that you can't have orgasms anymore (not true I'm sure but it might make him stop trying and leave you in peace). I do it better myself and wouldn't want SO even trying. He makes it feel like it's a chore I'm forcing him to do so now I just tell him I don't get them so what's the use in him trying? He's a happy camper now and I'm fine with doing it myself later.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:20 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • This is kind of embarrassing but I have DH use a vibrating cock ring. Its the only thing that really gets me in the mood, otherwise its all about him and he didn't like that too much. We just kept trying things till we found something that worked for us and stick with it. When it died last month it reminded him why we use it because when it was all about pleasing him, he really doesn't like it, he says he feels like he is doing something wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

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