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What should I say to her?

My MIL insists on me calling her Mom, Mother, Momma, or whatever. She said that she'd really appreciate it. Although I view her as a mother, I don't feel comfortable calling her that. I have one mom, and that's MINE.
She doesn't like the fact that I would call her a "nickname" to indicate the same meaning at Mom, but she wants that only.
What do I say to that?
And she also insists that I say "I love you too" back. I'm sorry, but.. this is just going a little beyond my comfort level right now. I don't just say "I love you" freely to people. I say it to my parents, my DH, and DS. I haven't gotten to know her well enough to say that.
She said "I love you" when we first met! For the very first time!! It was truly awkward...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Sep. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • That's creepy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • call her grandma yadda yadda,,,,, share the love!

    Answer by mirit.rose at 11:53 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • Call her "MIL"

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • I understand how you feel, it's hard to say "I love you" to someone you don't yet know well enough to have that kind of feelings about, and it's definitely hard to call someone "mom" who isn't your mom. On the other hand, do you know how lucky you are that your mother in law wants to be close to you, and make you part of the family that way? My mother in law wants nothing to do with me because I was divorced when I met her son. We've been married 21 years and have her only grandchildren, and she has nothing to do with us. I'd love to have her just make me feel welcome.

    What about a compromise? Maybe let her know you're just not comfortable calling her mom, but give in on the "I love you too" after all, she gave birth to your husband, & you have to at least love her for that...right? And the more you say it, eventually you'll mean it. And, maybe love her a little bit just for being so welcoming. Good Luck!

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:56 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • When I don't wanna to call them something I will call them by what the kids do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • Just explain to her that you appreciate her affections, but you aren't a "vocally expressive person" or something else like that (when it comes to the I love you thing) If that doesn't work, try something like, "Yeah, you too" And the mom thing... call her your *husband's name's* mom Like my DH is John, so "Hi, John's mom" It's still mom! If she's not ok with that, just explain to her you don't feel comfortable calling her mom, and nothing she will say can change that. Tell her that MAYBE once you get to know her better these things will change, but until then she'll just have to deal with your wishes.

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 11:56 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

  • It could be the opposite. I showed my "mil" my blog and I had written some nice things in it about her. The only thing she could focus on what that she is not *legally* my mil. So I told her, if she's not mil then she's not gram to my son either. I don't think i'd be comfortable with someone forcing me to show expressive love either.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 12:23 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • My MIL is the same way. She's not pushy about it, though. She wanted me to call her Mom, but I told her that my Mom would take great offense, because SHE'S my Mom. (this is true, btw) Now I call her Mamaw or by her first name. I'd wait until she says "I love you" and then say "you too." Or pick another language and say it that way. You won't be as uncomfortable and she'll get the fix she needs.
    Do you know how lucky we are? I thank God that I have such a kind, giving, and loving MIL. She taught the man that I love to be kind, giving, and loving, too. We could have it a lot worse. Just read some of the posts on here and you'll realize how lucky you really are.

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 7:43 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

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