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Do you think the actual wedding has anything to do with the relationship??

Ok, so this may sound stupid to some of you and others may totally understand but I have to ask.
I'm posting as anonymous only to not look like an ass to the people I know for feeling this way.

Here's the thing, all girls dream about their wedding day and plan out their songs, guests, vows etc... So if you do all that planning and some outside force ruins everything and you end up getting married at a court house, do you think that puts any strain on the relationship?

I would like to hear from people who had a "real" wedding and people who "eloped" as to if you think it made a difference at all cuz I think it did with us, totally on MY part though not his. I wanted the real deal so bad that I feel cheated and I think it made me sort of a bitch cuz it's almost hard for me to be happy for others for getting theirs sometimes. :( I hate it!

Post anonymous if you want but let me know what you think.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:45 AM on Sep. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I am in complete agreement with sailorwifenmom. Many times there's too much focus on the wedding instead of the marriage itself.

    We got married at the courthouse. The only thing that I wished we'd had is a real wedding dress and pictures. And one day I will get those even if the dress is rented or borrowed. :)

    My husband thinks that we should have a big wedding to renew our vows at some point. I don't. I can think of a thousand better things to spend money on than a wedding. I would rather have a real honeymoon.

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 9:24 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • You wanted something so badly for so long and then you get the rug pulled out from under you , heck ya it effects the relationship. Its like your day was taken from you so why should everyone else get what they want. Its very hard to get past that, you just have to look at the other things that you wanted and got. A good husband, loving father to your children, the home that you wanted. And then tell him for your 10th year anniversary you want your dream wedding for a vowel renewal. Then you can be happy for others but most important be happy for yourself and your marriage. Good luck


    Answer by Gemaof4 at 2:56 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Well I never wanted a couthouse wedding. I wanted a small real wedding. We found a nice little chapel here in san diego and it was decorated and I bought a dress that made me feel like a bride but was not very expensive we had a wedding dinner but never a dane or reception not even a cake thinking about it! I'm not completly happy as to how it came out but not bitter and I see your point. Maybe you guys should redue it. find a chapel or even a place were you guys can re-marry maybe at a nice park or something romantic. Maybe for your 1st anniversary! We canelled our wedding 5 times because of financial strain something always came up right before the day and finally on 02*15*09 we married along side my 2 daughters and while pregnant with my twins! It was at a perfect time and I would not want to change it since we were all together! My first born twin son passed away after birth so I wouldnt want to marry feeling incomplete!

    Answer by babyangelromero at 3:00 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I understand the desire to have something you've dreamed of forever, and, in a lot of ways, our society makes it all about the wedding, the dress, the cake, the flowers, etc, etc, etc. But look at it like this - which would you rather have - the whole big Cinderella wedding, but the guy you married is the wrong guy for you, and you're going to be miserable (he's going to cheat, he's going to hit you, or does drugs, or, even simply you have nothing in common and have no respect for each other). BUT - you had the perfect day.

    OR - would you rather have a wedding, that for whatever reason - a deployment, financial issues, something goes wrong with the planning, whatever - but the person you are now married to is your best friend, he loves you, he respects you, and you feel the same about him.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:38 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • cont

    My dh and I didn't have a fancy wedding. We weren't even able to have our families there (for a lot of reasons). But the thing is, the wedding ceremony isn't the big climatic scene at the end of the movie sort of thing - it's really just the opening act to the rest of your lives together. We've been married for 17 yrs, and we're still very much in love. But you know, one of my sisters has a best friend who had the big fairy tale wedding that she wanted. Part of her divorce settlement was them dividing up the rest of the bills from the wedding. Part of the reason her marriage ended was because she didn't see the MARRIAGE as the end goal, but the WEDDING.

    I know it's a disappointment to not have what you've been planning for for so long, but try to remember that in those girlhood dreams, you imagined that you were with your Prince Charming - and isn't THAT the most important element to the whole thing?

    gl! :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:43 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Technically, no.   The type of wedding you have has no bearing on your marriage.   However human nature being what it is.........if you feel cheated out of the wedding you wanted then that can definitely have a detrimental affect on your marriage.  Your hurt feelings will fester and the resentment will cause problems.  You need to get past this.  I suggest some counselling and maybe you can have a wedding ceremony for your anniversary.


    Answer by beeky at 7:25 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I had a courthouse wedding. I was disapointed later on because i have wanted to have a big wedding for such a long time i have planned over 30 weddings and i wanted to plan mine. But because we didnt do that i told my husband that we are going to renew our vows and thats going to be my big wedding day im going to get my dress the flowers everything. Its going to be the wedding i never got. But because we were both in the army at the time we didnt have the money or time off to have a wedding. I was just fine with it at the time but i still wish i could have had a real wedding.

    Answer by Shelii at 8:29 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I had 3 weddings. One was big, one I ran off to another state's courthouse and the third was with a couple of people & a preacher in the basement of a church in a pair of jeans. The type of wedding we had was no reflection on the marriage itself. They all sucked. I got smarter and am single now. YEAH ME!

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:36 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I never had the "real deal" and while I sometimes am jealous when I see other peoples weddings, I eventually realize that it's FINE. My husband and I have a good relationship - and it doesn't have anything to do with what type of wedding we had. But I understand what you're saying - I get envious sometimes if I see beautiful wedding gowns and flower girls and I think, "Boo. I wanted that."
    So I decided that if we make it 20 years, we're renewing our vows AND we're having a BIG "wedding vow renewal" that will look like a wedding - LOL.

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 10:43 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Well, my first wedding wasn't exactly what I had in mind at all and looking back I could joke that I should've known we would have a rocky relationship because of our rocky start. Having said that I could also say that Friday the 13th's were bad luck because my husband died on one. No, I don't truly think the actual wedding has much to do with the actual relationship but I do think you should both have the wedding you want, does that make sense? I'm getting married next month and we are eloping, to a degree, meaning it will just be us in our church with our pastor and two witnesses and that is the way we both want it. We will both probably be in jeans and I know he'll be wearing a Harley tshirt. Anything else just wouldn't be "him", does that make sense? If you want the extravaganza then, by all means, have it, just let any snafoos become funny memories and don't dwell on it.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 11:32 AM on Sep. 28, 2009