Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

military wifeys....

my husband is being deployed right before our daughter will be turning one and wont be back till she is about two.. anyone been through this type of thing? what type of things can i do to make sure she doesnt forget about him or get scared of him and not know who he is when he comes home???
Its tearing him apart to think about her not remembering him when he comes home and i wanna do everything i can so that she knows who daddy is and that daddy loves her when he comes home.. advice??? shes not quite here yet im 38 weeks but im trying to think of good bonding methods for her and hubby and ways to help member him during the deployment next year. problem is im a new mommy and im stumped on this one. help?

Answer Question

Asked by armymum1013 at 4:46 AM on Sep. 28, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • ok im going threw this right now so ill give you tips on what ive been husband left a few days before my daughters birth for basic then he left a few days before her first birthday for his ait and she is now 2 he still hasnt been here for any birthdays and we just had our other daughter in july and he hasnt met her yet...what i do for them is show pictures and i let the oldest daughter talk to him everytime he calls and to draw pictures for him......he takes pictures for her to see and i also let the baby hear his voice as well that way they will know who he is when he talks to them and plus the pictures help them remember....just do that when hes gone and she wont forget him.......

    Answer by SPC.armywife at 4:59 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I'm also going through this. DH deployed when my DD was 8 mos old. We threw a 6 mo old bday party for her so he could be there to see it. I show her pictures of daddy everynight and put the phone on speakerphone so she can hear his voice while he is away. She picked out a pic of him and we put it on her wall by her bed so she can see him (it is of him holding her when she was 4 days old). My dd is now 22 mos and he comes home in just under a week (about damn time!!!) from a 15 mo deployment. We always do pictures and send fingerpaintings to daddy. When he sends stuff back home I explain it is from daddy and ask her to point at a pic of him. I know she doesn't remember exactly who he is... but she knows she has a daddy and actually has been trying to pick him out since he deployed. They know uniforms!!! I send pics of our dd constantly and she says ny-nite to daddy as well (the picture anyways).

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 5:42 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • It isn't easy... i can't tell you how many times my dd has run up to another soldier, grabbed his hand and just about walked off with "dada!". Just keep bringing him up in everyday conversations, always let her know daddy loves her but has to work and he will be home when he is done! We will see how well this has worked and while neither of us expect her to know right off the bat who he is at least she will have an idea! While daddy isn't here, we keep his place active! Saying prayers for daddy everynight, pointing out daddy's favorite foods or tv shows.... favorite games and such. Just do what your instinct tells you... I also had my DH make a video of himself reading to our dd so she can see him and hear him. It was very hard for him and he actually we teary through most of it. But she tries to get daddy to pick her up and hug her from that video. Also, webcam is helpful. My dd always slept on hubby during his lunch

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 5:48 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I also formula fed so he could have more bonding time since he was always at work and never able to be around for much more like baths or bedtimes at times. Let them play together while you do something else and besides that, a daughter is always her daddy's girl! :) Even after a deployment! When dd was 18 mos he came home on R&R... she loved every minute with him and only came to me when she had an owie. This was after 10 mos of not seeing him!!! She was by his side at all times!!!
    GL! I hope this helped and take care!!!! And my DH went through the same emotions your DH is going through right now. Same thoughts and everything!!!

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 5:52 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Its going to be hard. But get a webcam then she can see her daddy on the screan and talk to him. And you can show her pictures and talk about him to her all the time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • We did this too and it is hard no matter what you do. Something that worked really well for us though was we video taped him reading the childrens favorite bed time stories. Several of them it took a few weeks before he left and some of the time we had to do it more than once because we would get choked up.
    But while he was gone at night we would play the tapes and it was such a comfort to all three of us really.
    This last part sounds stupid but we also exchanged shirts through the mail. He would send us his worn t-shirts and I would wash them once they didnt smell like him anymore and send them back for a rescent. hee hee We are pretty strange that way so this might not be for everyone but the video story time I think is a good idea for all. ;) Best of luck Sweetie, know that you are not alone.

    Answer by Tero at 9:17 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • If she'll be almost one when he leaves there will be a good chance that she remembers him if you keep showing her photos. My mom visited us when dd was almost one and my dd remembered her the next year.
    Even if she does not remember she'll fall back in love with hiim in a heartbeat. My dh left when my dd was 2 weeks old and came home when she was 8 month old, of course she didn't remember him and the first 2 days whenever he tried to pick her up she would scream but he just kept trying to play with her and stuff and he was her favorite within one week. She's 27 month today and a complete daddy's girl.
    I saw that another poster said she formula feed so her husband could bond with baby, please don't only formula feed for that reason! There are many ways to for daddy to bond with baby besides feeding and I am sure your dh will figure them out. Daddy can also feed baby pumped milk ;)

    Answer by stpalmsgirl at 9:40 AM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I would suggest, like some of the previous posters, to make some videos of him reading to her or even some videos of him playing with her. Have him let her know (through the videos) that he loves her amd misses goodnight videos that she can see every night and good morning videos she can see every morning. I also like the idea of Tero...having him send home shirts that smell like him. Or buy his colong and spray it on one of his shirts at home every couple days for her to sleep with. When he comes home, his scent, voice, and face will be somewhat familiar. Pics of him and telling her about her daddy would help too. A web cam would be great too if that is something you have access to. Good luck and stay strong!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:01 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.