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"Oh he is 10, I adopted him from Russia"

I was taking to my brothers neighbor and asked her if she had any children.
She said yes, he is 10, I ADOPTED him from Russia.

When I am asked the same question, my reply is yes I have 3 daughters. I do not
say, yes I have one adopted daughter and 2 stepdaughters.

Why do you think that some Amoms say this? Personally I can not stand it.

As an Amom would you ever say that to a stranger?
As an Adoptee would that hurt your feelings?

 
Dannee

Asked by Dannee at 12:23 PM on Sep. 28, 2009 in Adoption

Level 12 (784 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • This may be a little off.. sort of opposite of your question.. but I look nothing like my mother. She's blonde hair, blue eyes, very white skinned.. and I have a light olive complextion, brown hair, brown eyes. I remember people would constantly ask my mom if I was adopted... She of course would say no, and then I would ask her, "Mommy, why don't I look like you?"

    I remember feeling hurt when people would ask that... I can't imagine how an adoptee would feel.

    But.. no I don't think people should introduce their children as ADOPTED... it's none of their business.. and it singles out the child.. as if their not "really" part of the family. Poor kiddo.
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 9:46 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I think in her case it may have been a case of trying to explain accents, actions, etc on the part of the child. I adopted my daughters at 5, 6 & 7 and at times it was simpler to explain that they were adopted then to answer why they don't look like me or my husband at the time or why they act like they do, etc. Unfortunately this becomes a habit when people just ask a simple question.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 12:27 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Her son was inside, I never saw him.

    My daughter looks nothing like me.. I am 100% Italian, brown eyes, brown hair.

    My daughter is blonde hair and green eyes..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 12:30 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I am not an adoptee or a adoptive mom, but would like to answer your question.

    My brother and his wife adopted a young boy, but they never say that he is adopted, because in the wife's family there are two young men who were adopted that advised my brother when they were in the process of adopting Mike that they should not do just what you neighbor did.
    Both of them told my brother that it was hurtful to them to always have that they were adopted as a topic of conversation. Their families used it as an example of what good Christians they were because they would take in these lowly, unwanted children. Both told my brother that they felt like an accessory to their adoptive parents and not part of the family.
    My nephew know he is adopted, but they do not make everything about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • maybe she's excited, or proud to have adopted? We are considering adoption. A lot of couples we know add that "we adopted from ---" becasue they are so excited to finally have a child to love. Maybe get to know her before you judge that one statement.
    citymama707

    Answer by citymama707 at 12:32 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • anon, 12:31... that's sad about boasting about it from the "i'm a good christian" view. When our frinds told us about thier adopted kids, it was brought up that once, but not again. It may have been brought up since they know we have been ttc as well, idk?
    citymama707

    Answer by citymama707 at 12:35 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Oh I have no problem getting to know her.

    We have something special in common..

    Knowing me, I will ask her why she said she adopted him instead of just
    saying I have a son.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 1:13 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Some people just want to be patted on the back for doing a "good deed". My sister is like that. If she had every adopted a child from Russia or where ever she would have made it point to say it all the time just to make sure you knew what a wonderful person she was. That is what I think when people point out personal details like that, which really have no bearing on anything. The child is hers now no matter where she originated from so why does she have to make sure you KNOW she adopted the child? There's no point unless she's just really proud of it(like someone else said) or she's expecting someone to tell her how great she is for adopting the kid from Russia.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • *sorry* I said "her" & meant "him".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I don't start off with THAT, but I have no problem telling people we adopted DD.

    She has very striking blue eyes and is always getting compliments on them...it's not unusual for us to get 2 or 3 comments at least by other shoppers just during one shopping trip. And usually they ask where she got her eyes. They can take one look at me and know it's not from me (hazel eyes), but DH has blue eyes, so sometimes I'll say "from her Daddy" (like I did today to the woman taking our order at Wendy's). BUT...at the same time, I'm lying. No, they don't need to know about the adoption, but yet what is it saying to DD when I lie? For one, it tells her it's okay to lie. For another, wouldn't this lie tell her that we don't want anyone to know and, therefore, are ashamed of her adoption? So, if I'm not rushing about and feeling okay about giving a further explanation, my answer will be "from her birth mom."
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 2:16 PM on Sep. 28, 2009