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I am in love with a woman and want to marry her and she wants to marry me. My question is is it wrong to marry and live under one roof when the children are against it?

We both have children who we have custody of and the fathers are not part of the picture at all due to abuse. My child is very much against this relationship (he is 10) her children a few of them are also against it (they range in age from 7 months to 16). My question is is it wrong for us to marry and live under one roof when the children are against it? We plan on keeping our relationship as descreet as possible so the children do not have any trouble with other children picking on them. I need a little advice before I go any further. I love her with all my heart and want to be with her but I need to make sure I am making the right choice for the children.

 
zena69

Asked by zena69 at 3:54 PM on Sep. 28, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (23)
  • Oddly enough I can honestly say if you two are very involved and willing to work through any problems that arise with these children together, patiently then I can say it will work out. What you will go through and this is out of personal experience, is at first resentment and maybe even a little cruelty emitted from the children against it at the partner coming into their life. This would happen btw if it was a man, so I wouldn't have bothered giving these details of your relationship, however knowing it I would honestly be as you say "discreet".

    Personal experience, my mom met her partner when I was 3, they didn't move in with each other till I was 9, my brothers were 8 and 11. Now it was a huge adjustment that took years of work however I can honestly say that my moms partner is another parent to me, I did not have a father in my life and am grateful for the two great moms I have.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 5:47 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • If I were in your shoes, I'd get family counselling for everybody involved. That could be a big helpe to answering questions, understanding what fears and concerns there are, and what will help the transition.

    Good luck!
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 3:58 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • First of you two are the adults and get to decide your fate and theirs. You don't answer to them. That said they can make your lives difficult and quite challenging if they are against it. Can you give them more time to adjust and sort of ease them in.
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 3:59 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • it'll just confuse the children
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I believe that there is so much going against you that you should go slower and have ppl who matter be more accepting of this type of relationship. Don't damage the children over your personal wants.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I agree. In a situation like this it sounds like family counseling is needed.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 4:00 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Yes, even though it's a young person involved you should still give your children respect!
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 4:02 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I'd consider therapy for your kids to get to the bottom of why they don't want you with some one (is it just because she is a woman or would they be upset if it was a man as well), then I would think about the future and the fact that your kids aren't going to be with you forever, but your partner will be (since you two are getting married, you obviously are in it for the long haul).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Family counseling and if the children are that against it, even with counseling, do not do it. No woman or man is worth having the resentment of you children and theirs.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 4:15 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • I guess there are some women here who think that looks are what makes sex and love worth while. I feel sorry for you. Looks do not matter, what matters is the kind of person you are with. Are they honest and kind, compassionate and caring and will they devote themselves to you. Take a good look at yourself. Looks fade as you age but character does not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Sep. 28, 2009