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Undermining the other parent

My dh gets so mad when I undermine him in front of the kids, sometimes I don't even mean to do it honestly!

For instance if he tells them to do their homework, but they want to play outside, I might tell them they can play for 15 mins then come in and do the homework. That's just one example.
He said it makes the kids think that they don't have to listen to him.
What do you think? Is undermining him in small ways setting a bad example for the kids?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:11 PM on Sep. 28, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I agree with the others - you two need to be on the same page and give the kids consistent answers. If you disagree with something he said, pull him aside and discuss the matter away from the kids. By contradicting him, you are basically telling them that what he says doesn't if they get an answer they don't like, they can always go to the other parent.

    I know that's something I have to work on as well - I'm bad about correcting DH as well! It doesn't matter that I think my way is better (DS is 2 1/2, so it's more along the lines of him saying Alex can have cookies when I already told him no more), we really need to set some ground rules to ensure we STAY on the same page!

    So my advice would be to come up with guidelines and stick to them - homework, then play time, or 15 minutes of playing followed by homework. It'll keep y'all in control instead of giving the kids the power in the family!

    Good luck :)

    Answer by PrincessZ20 at 7:23 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Yes it is leads to competition between parents...they will 'shop around' for the answer that they are looking two need to be consistant

    Answer by Jademom07 at 6:16 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • BAD BAD BAD. DOn't do it, it will bite you in the ass when they are teens. United front ALWAYS, disagree with your hubby when the kids aren't around.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • It is basically castrating your husband in the kids eyes. Every time you do it you are subconsciously telling them they don't have to do what Dad says and Mom can override him. You two need to have a talk, and then you need to have a family meeting. I may not always agree with what my husband tells the kids but I bring it up when they are not around. Never, ever in front of them. If they ask me something and Dad is home first thing I ask is did you ask Dad. If you continue your children will learn not to respect him and your personal relationship could fall apart in the long run.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:24 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Absolutely. They knwo you will never back your husband up if he says something. Stop now, or suffer the consequences from kids and dh down the road.

    Answer by mama4Christ361 at 6:26 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Yes it's bad. See all of the above. My husband would be furious if i did that to him, and I would be furious if he did it to me. Sometimes you have to bite your tongue and let the other parent's orders stand - you can discuss it later when the kids aren't around if you think your way is better for some reason, but most of the time you should just let it go on small things.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:31 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Yes, it is bad, and since you realize you are doing you can start to fix the issue.

    Answer by Petie at 8:15 PM on Sep. 28, 2009