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Discussions of adopting in the future....advice and resources would be most welcome....

My beloved and I have been discussing the possibility of adopting a child (or children). We currently have a ten month old daughter, and we would prefer to wait until his service with the Army is we have a few years before we actually put these thoughts into action. However, I see no reason why we should not do as much research as possible now! We would like to have a few more children of our own first, but we have no way of knowing if this will happen (I ovulate so rarely that we were amazed to find out I was pregnant with our daughter).

I would really love advice from foster and adoptive mothers. We are interested in both domestic and international adoption, and both of us were raised in ethnicly diverse households, so race is NO issue for us or our extended family.

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Asked by EternalChild86 at 10:45 PM on Sep. 28, 2009 in Adoption

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • My thoughts and advice....why do you want to adopt? Is it to help out a child who needs a home? You should probably look into foster care if that is the case. I would say you are NO WHERE CLOSE to ready to adopt, simply because you said, "we would like to have a few more children of our own first." Will your adopted children not "be your own?" You might try attending an adoption conference, adoption education and read books on adoption in the next few years to prepare yourself.

    Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Yes, of course any adopted children would be "our own". I should think it was obvious that I meant children born from our bodies. Also, I also think I made it clear that I know we are not ready to adopt a child at this point in time. We have a child under 1, he is in the Army (which is not the most stable enviroment), we live in a two-bedroom apartment, I am only 23 (most agencies require both parents to be over 25), etc. I did not ask for opinions on whether or not I am fit to be an adoptive parent. I was only asking for advice on resources and personal accounts.

    To answer your first question.... As I stated, we are not certain we will be able conceive any more children, so that is a factor in our thoughts of adoption. Yes, we do like the idea of providing a home and family to a child who would otherwise go without. We have discussed being foster parents too.

    Answer by EternalChild86 at 11:39 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • OP - it's hard to post a question here without getting somebody riled up. I know how overwhelming it is to begin looking at all of your options. We looked at foster care and decided that we just could not do it (for both practical and emotional reasons). I thought the process for international adoption was too complicated, and the cost was prohibitive for us. Some people get contributions from their employers that help make it feasible. In the U.S., if you do private adoption (as in not foster-adopt), open adoption is the norm. There are varying degrees of that, and you'll need to assess your comfort level. I recommend reading a lot about it. Just be sure that what you agree to is something you can live with and follow through on. We used Catholic Charities both times, and were very happy with them. You can PM me if you have more questions, and I'll answer as soon as I can. Good luck!

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:53 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

  • Hi. We have decided on adoption and are in the process of a homestudy and also the parenting classes. I'm 22 and my hubby is 33. I turn 23 in November though! Anyways, we are eligible to adopt, and I cannot have children. I did give birth to a beautiful baby boy who passed away only moments after his arrival and I have not been able to conceive yet and it took me two years to conceive him. However, even if I could conceive a child, I'd still want to adopt. It's something I felt like we were meant to do. We aren't fostering, because I know I couldn't deal with it, but we are adopting from the state and the entire adoption process will not cost us a dime because these children need homes. We are adopting a 1 year old though, so we're thrilled. You don't have to be 25 with all agencies. Check with your state first though because if you adopt from a foster home, it rarely costs you anything.

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 10:27 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I think it is wonderful that you want to research adoption way ahead of time. A few thoughts:
    1) Try to get the perspectives from birth parents, adoptees and adoptive parents. It is important to hear from all members of adoption to develop a realistic picture.
    2) Understand that although there are many children in foster care who desperately need homes, the competition for newborns through domestic adoption is fierce. There are far more couples who want to adopt than babies. If you doubt this, check around CafeMom.
    3) Check out Evan B. Donaldson, Ethica, and the American Adoption Congress sites. All these groups care deeply about ethical adoption practices. Make an ethical adoption a priority. However, this is far more difficult if you decide on a domestic newborn adoption.
    4) Read a lot and attend adoption conferences to learn as much as you can about raising adopted children.

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:41 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

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