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Has your marriage gone cold?

Sad, sad, sad.... I moved to a city where I know practically no one to be w/ my husband ( boyfriend at the time) 4 yrs later, i still hardly know anyone but some work aquantainces. No real friends though. Meanwhile, the passion is gone from our marriage. I mean, I love him, wouldn't want to be w/ anyone else... But sex? don't even remember the last time that happened. Neither of us even hardly try for it anymore. We were always a little challenged in that area, but now that we have a baby it's really bad. I mean, i hardly remember the last time we kissed. Or had a decent conversation where we felt a sense of connection . I'm lonely as hell cause I only have him in this town. I see my mom once every 2 wks or so. But there are days that I would barely speak if it weren't for work or the baby. I guess the question is, can a sexless/passionless marriage be revived? How? And how does one make friends in a city of 4 million?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:07 AM on Sep. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • meetup.com or here for friends. Have u searched for a group in your area? I have met wonderful moms here and on meetup.

    The sex thing...had the same issue. For me it went beyond sex, we werent connecting as a couple at all. Make time for just the two of you, do little things that seem meaningless, but will show you care. I started texting I love u's and 'thank you for everything u do for us,' etc to him during the day, I do it about everyday. It wont happen over night, but it slowly starts to help change things. Just show love and appreciation no matter how small and he will show it back. May not be right away...but he'll come around. This helped alot, and now were doing alot better in all aspects. It doesnt hurt that I wake him with a BJ every once in a while too...
    Mesha125

    Answer by Mesha125 at 3:18 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Your story makes me feel sad.It sounds like you aren't connecting with anyone, including your husband since the move.What happened to the friends you used to have?You may start by reconnecting with some of them. As for your husband, reconnecting sexually is a really hard thing to do in my experience. Get a makeover, men are visually stimulated. A new haircut or color, fresh look in your makeup, a couple inexpensive outfits, it doesn't need to be expensive, or major overhaul just something to make him notice you again.Try being overt, come on to him, join him in the shower in the morning.Be flirtatious and accessable.Be patient, it probably won't turn around overnight.Set a date night, even if it isn't official..make a special dinner, no TV...for us it was cocktails and gin rummy...lol..but it got us talking, and laughing, and flirting. We forgot how fun we were before kids, and it has expanded since then. Good Luck,
    Cheapsk8mom

    Answer by Cheapsk8mom at 7:38 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Yes, your marriage can be revived, but it will take dedication on your part. Husbands respond to respect and expressed appreciation. Start by telling him how much you appreciate him as a man. Tell him you would never want to be with anyone else. Tell him you miss the way things used to be and you are looking forward to the return to being his best friend. Tell him whatever is in your heart. Don't wait for him to tell you what's in his, because men have a much harder time expressing those things. Remember how things were when you first knew that you loved him and show him your love and don't just tell him. There are tons of books on the market today which are very helpful when it comes to troubled marriages. Most of them are written by Christian authors and I have found them to be excellent when it comes to giving a wife insight into what really makes her husband tick. Just don't give up hope!! It can be better.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:15 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I think in the hum drum every day living of life we tend to lose a little bit of what attracted ourselves to our mates. You get so busy taking cars of the kids, and cleaning the house, and trying to be a good person and mommy, that you forget about yourself a little. Sometimes your marriage is just full of passion, but most of the time it is love and mutual respect for the other person. I know when it has been a while for hubby and I since we've had sex, I feel a lack of connection as well, that closeness becomes strained. I agree with the APs, you can revive your marriage and be happy again, it just takes some work. Start by boosting yourself up and remember why you fell in love with your dh, share your feelings with him. Remember why you moved to be with him, and how he is important to you. Look into local mom's groups in your area, start by improving yourself and the rest will fall into place.....Good luck!
    emnasmom

    Answer by emnasmom at 10:37 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Yeah, I guess it couldn't hurt to get a haricut or color. Haven't done that in a while. Maybe next time my mom is in town I can wing it. Last night I sat by him & we started to talk some. Then he wasn't getting what I was trying to say & corrected me on a trivial point, then I felt misunderstood. As for connecting w/ anyone. It's funny, cause I work in a cafe & 'connect' w/ my customers all the time. I know some of them seem genuinely happy to see me when they come in. But there is still kind of that boundry of customer/server. It's not like I'd get a call from them on a day off. It doesn't help that before living here I lived in a small community where it was the opposite extreme. There was no me time, I'd get up every morning & people would come over for coffee. Even doing laundry was a social event cause several people I knew would be there. I was still talking to some of them for a while. But it's been a while now
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

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