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Wrong of me?

I just suffered a miscarriage. I honestly did not want another baby, but now that I did get pregnant and lost the baby I want another. My husband is determined to get "fixed" so we don't have an oops (I am on BC and still ended up pregnant). Would it be horribly wrong of me to try to get pregnant with out him knowing? Just pass it off as an oops? He wouldn't be mad if I got pregnant(I think he was excited when I had the positive test) but he would be mad if I suggested having another.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:21 AM on Sep. 29, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • First off, sorry for your loss. I would suggest, to make sure that you really want another baby, wait 4 or 6 months and then if you still do, TALK to your husband and see what he has to say. Unfortunately, this is not an area where there is compromise... either the two of you will agree, or you won't. But first you might want to wait a little, do some self-searching and make sure that you don't just want to replace the surprise you lost. Also, you probably want to discuss it with your dr., considering the problems you've had, and see if it's even safe for you to try again.
    Koukla12905

    Answer by Koukla12905 at 7:16 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • yeah. Its sneaky like lying. Its not cool at all.

    however saying this..I did it, so If I told u that you were awful id be a hypocrite. It is not cool, and it is sneaky and I wish I hadnt done it that way. I dont regret the child. we love her to pieces. I regret the sneakiness. I would hate for him to treat me the way I did him. I always feel guilty for 'tricking' him that way. he was happy when it happened, but like your man, he didnt originally want it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Ya, I do think it would be wrong of you. You did not want another baby befor the oops. Do you think maybe it is only because you want to be pregnant? I loved carring all my kids and boy would I love to do it again. I felt so proud, so warm all the time, just LOVED IT. But I do not want anyone more kids, I have 3 youngest is 11yrs and I think about how she will be 18 in 7 years and my husband and I can start our new lives together.
    Really truely ask your self if you want another child or if it is because of other reasons? It would be unfair of you to do this to your husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Do you think maybe it is only because you want to be pregnant? No it is not that...I had horrible pregnancies... this is my second loss. I had a miscarriage in 03 had our son in 07 which was me being bed rested for 5 months and now this miscarriage. I think I am mourning and it's making me want another. I know I shouldn't for the fact my body is not baby making material. I know it is sneaky and I don't think I could lie to him anyway... I guess it was just me thinking I wasn't going to have any more then a surprise and I was okay with it! Now I lost the baby and I feel horrible about it.


    (OP)

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • OP- I know what you mean! believe me. Ive debated doing it again...thats how horrible I am!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Yeah, that is wrong. I want another baby very badly, but DH just wasn't ready when we talked about it the last time. I actually had someone suggest that I do this if I want another. But, I just can't do that to him. I love and respect him--I wouldn't want him to trick me into something, so I won't do it to him.
    Instead of tricking him, talk to him. Tell him that you have something to say and you would like to say it without him interrupting you. Then, just tell him how you feel. Good luck!
    kasey22

    Answer by kasey22 at 5:22 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I would not EVER betray my husbands trust and do something that sneaky...a baby is something that he creates too and should have every say in the matter.

    I am sorry for your loss.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:07 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • as horrible as it sounds I would consider doing it myself? does that make me awful? no only human but lucky for me dh can't say no to me anyway. You need to talk to him, beg him for a baby. or just take you clothes off, like he's going to say no to a naked lady?lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Why would he be happy if it were an "accident" yet be mad if you suggested having a baby? That makes no sense to me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Why would he be happy if it were an "accident" yet be mad if you suggested having a baby? That makes no sense to me.
    ______
    Because he does not want anymore...but if it were to just oops happen he wouldn't want me to lose it or get an abortion. He gives me mixed messages a lot. He will say how nice it would be then how he wants to schedule the snip. I dunno. I know I can't lie to him... I have to wait a while before I can try anyway maybe it will just passover or he will change his mind. Thanks ladies for your answers.

    OP
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

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