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Question about after having IVF babies...

We are friends with a couple who had twins via IVF. Whenever anyone comments on the fact that they had twins (oh wow how cool; wow twins really how exciting; etc) the husband is seemingly quick to tell people (even those he just met such as at our DD's b-day party) that his 'swimmers' didn't swim so well so they had some help. The wife never says anything when he does this; but it makes me uncomfortable for her. (I know that's my problem) I don't know if it bothers her or not; I'm not sure how to ask that without being offensive/insensitive as well...

I just don't understand why someone would feel the need to advertise that; I'm not trying to say anyone should feel ashamed for needing IVF in any way; but he almost says it as though he's proud of it and I don't quite understand that - anyone have any insight??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Sep. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (3)
  • Is he a little socially akward? Sometimes when people are nervous in social settings they say weird things as a way to spark conversation but it ends up just being akward. Are his exact words "my swimmers didn't swim well" ? Cuz I think that's more akward that an just saying they had IVF lol.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • lol - no actually he's usually a very socially adept guy; most people who meet him like him right off the bat. And yes that is actually what he says...which yeah depending on the crowd could turn even more awkward! But I think he does that to make sure that everyone knows the fault was with him; not with her.

    But why bring it up at all..."yep we had twins isn't is great"; seems like it would be a fine response IMO. Now if someone were pestering about do they run in your family etc then maybe explain; but otherwise I don't understand why he feels the need to share?? It's not like she had 8 babies! lol

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I didn't do IVF, but I did do other fertility treatments and conceived twins. It's possible he is trying to get it out of the way before people get over-personal with questions. When you have twins a lot of people ask you REALLY personal questions, and sometimes you just want to do whatever you can to avoid it. Maybe this is his defense against all the prying questions. Also, when you deal with fertility issues it becomes a huge part of your life and who you are, so it can be hard to let go of it. Another thought is he is trying (a little too hard) to proove that he has dealt with all the issues and he is feeling proud rather than ashamed or guilty. It's hard to say why he does it, but going through fertility treatments is a life changing experience and it affects everyone differently. I expect in time he'll tone it down a bit, but he may always feel a need to wear the "I dealt with fertility" badge.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on Sep. 29, 2009

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