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What If I Want To Go To Church But My Fiance' Dose Not?

I Am A Closet Christian... I Know, Its Wrong. But My Fiance' Dosent Belive In God Really, He Is The Type Of Person That Has To See And Feel Something To Know That It Is Real. I Want To Introduce Our Children To Everything In Life, Including Religion. But I Dont Know What His Reaction Will Be When I Tell Him. I Dont Know If He Will Just Laugh Or Talk Me Out Of It...??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Sep. 29, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (20)
  • you should never hide your religion :)
    necro1134

    Answer by necro1134 at 12:28 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I don't know what he'll do either --- can't answer that one for ya.

    If you want to go to church & he doesn't, just go w/o him.

    You knew how he felt before the kids came along - so you know what you were getting yourself into. Your feelings, however, you've kept hidden from him... so you haven't given him a chance to process it & figure out his position on it.

    As far as the kids & religion goes, that's something the two of you are going to have to work out together. It just depends on how strongly you each feel your children should be raised in your faith (or lack thereof).

    Lots of couples of differing faiths live perfectly happy lives together -- it's all about compromise & respect.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 12:33 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • If you want to go & he doesn't than you go & he doesn't. Ask him to respect your beliefs & then respect his in return. As for children, have a serious discussion & decide what both of you are comfortable with. Perhaps he will be ok with you teaching them your beliefs, but won't want them taken to a church. Or perhaps you can agree to teaching them what both of you believe. Perhaps the best way to approach it is to teach your children as many religions as you can, actively.
    nysa00

    Answer by nysa00 at 12:34 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Compromise is a big part of any relationship. You'll never know what his response will be unless you raise the topic with him. It's definitely good to talk about these things before you get married so there are no surprises after the fact! Having different beliefs doesn't have to be bad for a relationship- my dh and I have different beliefs yet we have been married for over ten years, have three kids, and religious differences have never been an issue. But not being able to discuss or compromise could definitely cause problems- the only way to know is to talk!
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 1:24 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Sounds like you should re-think marriage. If you cannot be honest with him now about your religion, then I wonder what else you keep in the closet. But not saying it can't work. You cannot make his choice for him and the kids should be a mutual agreement. Both religions or lack of need to be considered because you may end up telling the kids that daddy doesn't believe in god. And one will have to answer the why questions that follow. Communication, Consideration, and Compromise. The three C's that are essential to a relationship. Find out where you stand with each other BEFORE you get married.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 1:40 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • go ahead and go to church! it's your beliefs afterall! it is ok to teach your children about your beliefs, as long as it isnt forceful i.e. "you have to believe what I believe". if they arent interested or want to know what else is out there, that's fine too! if your hubby laughs or convinces you not to go to church, just ignore him. it's ok that he has HIS beliefs, and it's ok that you have YOUR beliefs! my SO is agnostic, I am a pantheist. two different views, but we respect each other. he has had an interest in scientology for a while now and I caught myself laugh at him when i caught him taking a scientology survey online. he was very offended. i know I would be if he did that to me. i'm happy he is finding "something" to believe in! it's filling an emptiness he's had for a long time.
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 1:51 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • go without him. I do not attend church but my husband and kids do.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 2:25 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • i will say you shouldnt marry him... just for the battle youll have and when you have kids on how to raise them... but i married a non beliver and i went and once we had kids he started going and is a saved christian i got lucky... i think this is something very serious and not everyone gets lucky... take time to talk to him and really think hard about what you should do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • wow this is a hard one... i think you have thr right to go and take your kids to church.. and if hes going to try to stop that why marry him? who knows maybe he wont mind you need to talk to him about this but i wouldnt marry him without talking this over first.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Whatever you do, it's really important you come to some form of agreement on these things before you get married.

    Talk openly about it- you don't want to wait until you have kids to argue this one out.
    mogencreative

    Answer by mogencreative at 3:27 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

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