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How do you forgive and move on when that person has not taken responsibility or asked for forgiveness?

My sister stole from my home when I was out of town...stupid things; a fan, some shoes, some shirts, some games and some hair extensions (expensive ones). She denied it all! I was on vacation for week, she house sat for me, and when I returned, all of these items were gone! Even my mom said she was wearing the extensions...question is, I do love my sister, but im so angry. This happened in June, and I haven't been able to talk to here since. She has sent me text messages, like "I love you sissy" (she is a master manipulator, and an alcoholic) but she has never admitted what she has done. I miss her though...what to do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Sep. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Forgive her for your sake. I can imagine you are so hurt by this, because she is your sister and you love her. Put it behind you and move on. But don't let her in your house without you being there.
    Emberbaby

    Answer by Emberbaby at 1:37 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Well you sure don't trust her again. I would have a new rule we can be friends and sisters but we meet only in public and we both pay our own way. I wouldn't let her in my home again. You can love someone and not let them use you. She'll get the point that you don't trust her and if she is only using you you'll find out real quick if she doesn't want to meet up in public and pay for herself. Get coffee, see movies whatever.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • That sucks. You just have to justify it that your love for your sister is stronger than the pain of her stealing from you. It's hard to forgive someone who is not sorry, but it's harder to carry the pain and negative feelings around. I'm sure it'll be awkward at first, but those feerlings will go away. And guard your property so it won't happen again. *hugs to you*
    Seven07

    Answer by Seven07 at 1:38 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Unless she can admit her wrongdoing, I don't think I would want to be around her if I were you, much less be able to trust her, KWIM? She Stole from you. Petty stuff or not, she took it and can't even admit it and now is trying to play it off and be all nice-nice. I couldn't do it. If you can't trust somebody, why would you want them around?
    mom2BOYZnDad

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 1:38 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I would not forgive and forget. You can forgive her.. but never allow her in your house again. Or you can forgive her and never allow her ALONE in your house again. But, NO, your trust should never be allowed to be broken again. Sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I agree, don't let her in your house unsupervised again. As for the forgiveness part, you are the one who is hurt by your anger, so forgiveness would help you feel better. At least behave towards her as though you have forgiven, even though you remain wary and disappointed. In time maybe you will actually be able to forgive. But common sense says don't forget.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:44 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I had a similar problem once although it was with my dad.He molested my sister and myself as kids,and has never taken resposibility for it.He says"it only happened once!"He is wrong..it happened more than once!!My sister is a schysophrenic(not sure of the spelling),and he has her convinced,but not me. I tried to be mad at him for years,and even quit talking to him for several years.My life was in shambles for years..drugs a husband who beat me and just alot of different things were going on.I have gotten my life in order and have been clean and sober for years,and got a divorce.I have been in counseling for years now.I finally decided that being mad at him and hateing him was causing alot of pain in me.I have decided to talk to him again,not forget what he did,just realize he was sick,and moved on.We talk every once in a great while but I've told him"I don't forget what you did!!"But healing from this was best for my health.
    momz1970

    Answer by momz1970 at 1:46 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • love the person hate the addiction
    can not trust the addiction
    can not forget the addiction
    can not fix the addiction
    boredmom44

    Answer by boredmom44 at 1:47 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • It's easier to emotionally process if you look at it as hate the behavior not the person. Forgiving the person isn't hard when it's just the behavior you are angry with. Forgiving her frees you up for blessings. I heard an evangelist say when someone steals something from you then you tell yourself that you give it to them as a gift. That way it frees you up to let God replace the items and bless you. I find this easy since I usually don't get stolen items returned! . Meanwhile He can work on her and get her on the right path again.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:44 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • tell her you know whats missing and you dont allow shit like that to happen. yes, youre sisters, but come now! really! thats fucked up. let her know or she will alwyas manipulate you. dont be a puppet, be a master!
    evilive

    Answer by evilive at 3:50 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

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