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The Kid that challenges everything

My Dh had his son when he was only 17, it has been a rocky road but he has hung in there. The son is now 12 and living with us due to his mom being a alcoholic, to call him wild would be an understatement. He is tall, almost taller than his dad and he thinks this gives him a advantage to getting his way. From everything to doing homework to getting to school, everything his dad tells him to do is met with him standing up to dh and saying "Make Me". He even made a hit to his dad.
My question is , has anyone dealt with a child like this before? We are all in counseling and he has not been diagosed with any anger or depression, it just seems like he wants to challenge his dad on everything. Any advice on gthe best course of action?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Sep. 29, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I come from a broken/divorced/alcoholic home. I am now 42 and have a wonderful family but I grew up with a brother just like him. I am quite a bit older. We tried everything. Sending him back and forth between mom and dad, and neither of them wanted to deal with him. Having an almost 15 year old of my own now I realize what a difficult age 12 is. It is their forming years. He is "testing the waters" and hard. He actually is craving boundries believe it or not. Counseling is good if you have the right counselor! The counselor and you should be asking a lot of "W" questions. Why are you acting like this? Where is this coming from?, What can we do? But at the same time let him know who is the boss! That it is your house and he CANNOT be disrepectful! Then formulate consiquences and STICK TO THEM!! No TV, Playstation, Computer, etc. As hard and difficult as it will be. Good luck...
    Footballmom15

    Answer by Footballmom15 at 7:39 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • yes, tell him if he disrespect you or your husband like that again his ass can go to jail, or back to his moms! or better yet on the street! Do not tolerate this, if you do it will only get worse.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 5:29 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • My ds is much to young to have this issue, but I know what my father did when this got bad. He spent about a week teaching me the proper way to fight, punch, ect. Then about three weeks later when I got rather belligerent with my mother, she had me step outside with her because thats what it came down to. One hit on the chin once to prove a point is not abuse, it was a very well timed lessen instead. If you can do it at an appropriate time/situation and not go overboard (one hit to prove a point, not beating the snot out of him) it may be the best lesson he ever gets. I know for me it was. But if you or DH cannot hold your temper once it starts, DON'T DO IT.
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 5:42 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Military school.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 5:52 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • If I were his dad or Mom and he said "make me", that boy would be picking himself up OFF the floor before he knew what hit him. You have a choice as a parent. Let your kids run the show or YOU as parents run the show. NEVER let a punk kid challenge Your authority in your home. Sadly though parents today let their kids tell the adults what to do what to cook what to buy and how the house will be run and parents today just take it! WTF is wrong with parents today?
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 7:59 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Military school.

    I am dead serious. The rigorous discipline and required submission to authority will do him wonders.

    Send him before it gets any worse!
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 7:02 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I agree with Footballmom15 for counseling and discipline and it that doesn't work, Mousuke's military school option is the only way to save him from himself. I know that an old friend of mine who was a single dad had to deal with the same thing once his son became a teen. His mom send him to leave with dad because she couldn't deal and when all else failed and he was about to loose his son to the streets. MILITARY school and now he is a college grad :-) if I I have an 11 year old boy and if he was destroying his life and I coudn't do anything, I wouldn't twice about those two options.
    businesswoman01

    Answer by businesswoman01 at 2:11 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I didnt read any of the other answer's, but...It could be oppositional defiant disorder. Known as O.D.D. Both my son's have this. And no matter the rules set, the sterness from the parents, it can still rear it's ugly head. And should see a professional for help. Here is a link too a sight if you are curious! http://aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/children_with_oppositional_defiant_disorder
    Emerson7

    Answer by Emerson7 at 3:49 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I can only tell you from my own experience with my very defiant sd, when you get custody of a child who has developed behavioral issues, struggled with a bad parent, is at a very hard age (who in their right mind would ever want to be 12 again?) and is going through the transition of one home to another, you have to be patient. Good for you for going to counseling. That is great. We have had custody of sd for almost 3 years now, and went to a lot of counseling, and for a long time it seemed like nothing worked. Then I thought she was doing better but found out she was just being sneakier. Now, she really is doing good.
    He is prob. testing you guys, and angry at the world. Poor him and poor you guys. Prayer and church are great, just being in a positive environment, stay strong and consistent. I think time is the only thing that makes a dramatic difference.
    He needs to talk about his feelings and develope a close bond.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 8:17 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

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