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How does the way you were raised affect the type of parent you wanted to be?

Are your parents role models or examples of what not to do? How does your own upbringing affect how you parent now?

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CooksWife

Asked by CooksWife at 6:44 PM on Sep. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 5 (59 Credits)
Answers (26)
  • The only thing I plan on doing differently than my parents is that my mother was shy and didn't really talk to me about my body...My child(ren) will know everything they need to know when the time presents itself...I don't want them to learn the twisted side of sex or body image.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 6:47 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Not sure how it effects me now but I didnt want to argue like my folks did.

    My folks were good parents and people overall so the only thing I didnt want was that feeling of tension in the house that I used to feel when they'd be upset with each other.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 6:50 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I think a little bit of both - they did the best they could with what they had...but the one thing I swore I would never do was leave my kids at home alone as often as we were...I was the oldest and usually baby-sat my two younger siblings. I think that it is okay to watch over them for a couple hours when the parents want to go out but 8 to 9 hours a day is a long time to try to entertain ourselves...
    AngelaKay

    Answer by AngelaKay at 6:51 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • They showed me a whole lot not to do and the exact opposite of the way that I wished to parent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • My parents were mostly good and I actually find myself taking a lot of their attitudes about parenting. I was an accident 8 years after they were done having kids and it really showed. They were tired and much more interested in doing their own thing by the time I was older and it did hurt on occasion that I remember being drug to my sisters events and they couldn't be bothered to go to mine and actually discouraged me from things so they wouldn't have to. The other thing I really want to do differently was I was the third, they felt like they messed up with my oldest sister, and my middle sister did everything they wanted, so they tried to raise me EXACTLY like her, without taking personality or situation into account. (one example, my oldest sister played roll-playing games, my middle sister didnt, so therefor I was NOT allowed to)
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 7:05 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I find for me it was a mixed bag of what to do and what not to....partly just a difference in philosophy and partly because I think some of their "things" were not right for any child. I think for most people it is the same way: a mixed bag of things to follow by example and of things to not do. No parent is perfect and I believe most do the best they can with what they know and what they have available. To be honest my parents did the best they could and sometimes their best was still not good enough. I do a lot of things differently. For example, I don't call my child names like Stupid or Retard. There were things they did that was good and sometimes even great. Like I said, mixed bag. I just always keep in mind that my child will hold me accountable when he is an adult just like many adults do. I choose very carefully how I want to parent knowing that it is important to do my best and for it to be good enough.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:31 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Everything my mom did...prime example of what NOT to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Ditto ANON 8:20PM!!!

    To be a successful mother...all I had to do was the opposite of everything my mother did!

    So getting my education, establishing a nice career, then getting married, then buying a home, then having children, then being able to be a SAHM for the past 8 years, and now going back to work (mother's hours) has resulted in my being a very happy, well-adjusted and successful mother! :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:28 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Both for me.. I may be biased but I feel like I have some of the best parents in the world. But they did get a divorce when I was 7 and I never wanted to put my children through that. I do realize that sometimes and certain situations it is better for the family but if it can be avoided thats what i want to do.. Also my dad has a way of being right about everything. He isnt very open to others opinions and beliefs.. although he has gotten better since we've grown up but I dont want to be that way with my daughter. But I always knew I was loved and taken care of and thats whats important and I hope to pass that along to my DD
    ashleyuc07

    Answer by ashleyuc07 at 8:47 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • My mom is a very good intentioned individual, but man did she suck as a mom. She is (to quote her best friend) the "angriest, prickliest person" I've even known. She beat down my self confidence at every turn. My grandparents gave me what self esteem I do have. I won't do completely the opposite of what my mom did, but it is probably close.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 8:52 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

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