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I love my husband, but I am concerned for our marrige.

We never have sex. I have a very high sex drive and he doesn't. In the 3 years of our marraige we have had sex under 100 times. I dont know what to do about this, and I am at the point where an affair sounds good. We seeked help but that didnt work, we ended up talking about other issues. My husband suffers from an illness that causes him to become ill easily, so for the most part he isnt well enough to have sex,but even when he is he doesnt want too. We didnt have sex before we were married, so I can't say there has been any change. And he has no sexual issues cause when we have sex it's amazing. I guess my issue really is what can I do, what should I do? An affair?


Asked by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on Sep. 29, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • OK. I have a feeling I'm the expert here. Haven't had sex in, oh...five years now, thanks to a motorcycle accident that left DH with a couple of broken vertebrae that STILL cause him pain to this day. We've yet to find a treatment that gives real relief. We've had a couple of attempts at doing the dirty, but it always ends in agony for him and I just said, "Forget it." And *I* have always had the higher drive.

    Cheating WILL NOT HELP. It will just add a new bucket of problems.

    Go see another specialist. The one you went to obviously was no help. But also weigh out which is more important, your husband or the occasional orgasm? Which you can always induce yourself, y'know.

    I personally don't care if DH and I never end up being able to have sex again. He survived that accident. That's worth EVERYTHING to me. EVERYTHING.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:20 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • you said it yourself..hes sick..if you love him sex shouldntbethe most important thing. having an affair is not the answer.put yourslef in his position..if you were sick would you wanthim to go out and have an affair bc you didnt feel like making love? nope. if talking and counseling didnt work than quite possibly you need a divorce. having an affair will only complicate things. a one night stand of great sex sounds awesome but is it worth losing everything else?

    Answer by naturepeace at 7:21 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • this might not be the best suggestion but have you tride any sextoys and massage you still love him ?
    if you do dont cheat find ways

    Answer by leeahsgerasmom at 7:22 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • If he's sick all the time and you really love him you should remember that. maybe pick up a dildo for yourself. he doesn't have to know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:23 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Coming from VERY personal experience, having an affair does not solve problems. I can tell you that if anything, affairs will make your relationship worse. It will be fun and exciting at first, but then the guilt will set in and you will feel horrible. Next, you will start to treat your husband poorly because you feel guilty about what you did. My husband and I have both cheated on each other (we are now going to counseling) and it tore us apart.
    Sex is such a difficult thing to handle. That is a current problem with us - I want it all the time, and he never does. As a close friend said to me, it shouldn't be about the sex, but we always relate back to that way because women think of sex as an emotional attachment - we want to know that our husbands find us hot and want us. But if you bug your husband too much, then you are nagging. Honey I am going through the SAME thing right now.
    Hang in there, DO NOT CHEAT.

    Answer by SuzyQ515 at 7:25 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • I'm pretty sure that in a lot of wedding vows your in it: "in sickness AND in health."

    You don't go have an affair just because there's sickness issues - that's very selfish and wrong.

    BUT you and your husband can talk to a doctor and/or sex therapist to see if there's anything that can help his libido.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • i understand, i'm sick almost all the time too...and my SO still wants sex. so what we did was spice things up with like sex etc...

    dont have an it out....i'm sur he's hurting too knowing that hes sick, but you still want to...

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • an affair will NOT be good...immature & said he's sick..what if the roles were reserved. ..Goodnness. is that ALL people care about
    "oh i can't have sex with mY SICK husband all the time so lets go cheat" *rolls eyes*

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Sep. 29, 2009

  • Ask him what he wants you to do about it. He's creating the problem. He should fix it even if it's just giving you permission to seek "help" elsewhere

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:58 PM on Sep. 29, 2009