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How can I help my daughter who is 11year get friends and not have others shut her out of a group

She has been tight with these few girls last year in 5th grade...but in 6th grade it feels that they have shut her out. My daughter is so nice, she loves to rescue animals, she plays soccer,basketball and cheers. My husband and I don't understand. I think my daughter is a little ignorant to the fact..her feelings gets hurt but i try to look at the bright side and not have her feel bad about herself. What more can I do..and the kicker is I know these moms that claims to be my "good friends" we live in a small town, so I have to be very careful of what I say to whom

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:33 AM on Sep. 30, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • just reming you daughter not to take anything personal. She will find friends who will appreciate her kindness.

    Answer by Newbegginings04 at 12:37 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I wish her luck. My dd is going through a similar thing. She has been with these girls since kindergarten and a lot of them are really turning into little snots (to be nice.) I just encourage dd and tell her that she is a wonderful girl. She will find friends who will appreciate her for who she is, the same for your dd.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 12:42 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I really hate this age, my son is in 6th grade and it seems like right around 4th 5th and 6th grade kids just change and some are left out, its really hard as a parent to sit back and watch and to find the right words to help. Keep doing what your doing, keep her active encourage her to make new friends. If she can find one good friend that will get her through. Sometimes all it takes is having one or two good friends to make it bearable when the rest shut her out.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 12:51 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I was a "strange" little kid, and never had many friends... Just remind her that you love her, and it doesn't matter how to other girls treat her. There's not much you can really do as a mother- comfort her, guide her, give her advice. I wish my mom would've done that for me!

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 1:35 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • She may have been friends with these girls since they were tiny, but if they are changing faster than her, maybe they will drift apart. It's sad, but it happens all the time (boys too !).
    Encourage your daughter to pursue her interests and hobbies. Help her to find things that she really enjoys and praise her for doing them. If she can feel confident about stuff she can do well, then she will feel more confident about talking to others who share her interests.
    If she goes to a club / clubs, where there are kids with similar interests, then maybe she will make new friends.
    Meanwhile, remind her that you love her for who she is, that people change as they grow and that changes in her friends' outlook do not mean that she is less lovable or less friendly. Try to help her to like herself for who she is and to look around her, to be open to new experiences and new friendships.
    The main thing is she knows you love her.

    Answer by LizzieMade at 5:58 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • this irks me..not to be ugly but this happened to me as a child and it does not feel very suggestion is try maybe to talk to the other moms..and see where it goes..if they still kick her out encourage her to find new friends obviously there were not her friends to begin with my 12yold is havin this same problem..i feel sorry for her too but i remind her that she is strong and its never worth wasting your time on someone that wouldnt waste their time on you...i hope your dd figures out how to cope with this best wishes

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • same thing happened to my daughter.once burnt twice she is afraid to make friends.i dont know whats going on...she is shy.but also does cheerleading and scouts...nothing.i put her in cheerleading because she wanted to and also i knew not alot of kids from her school were doing it.nothing .she is to shy to talk to the other girls. themoms do seem nicer than the school my daughter goes to.any way thats another thing watch out what you say to the mothers.that was my down fall but i have learned.

    Answer by nana77500 at 2:13 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • I know it probably doesn't help much to know that it is very common for that to happen around 6th and 7th grade.... Some of the kids are still kids and some are "teenagers" and it is an awkward time for friendships when some of the girls are thinking about boys and some are playing with dolls....I think it has been this way forever, not that it doesn't hurt every time! It did happen to my daughter and she wound up getting involved with some friends who weren't the best for her. It happened to me and I just felt lonely for a year or so. In both cases, it worked out okay in the long run! (my daughter is 20 now and in college). Encourage her to stay involved in the activities she enjoys and let her know that it is okay to "expand" her circle of friends.... It won't do any good to talk to the moms....As a group, "moms" can be as bad as middle school girls! More concerned with popularity than maintaining good friendships.

    Answer by BJoan at 11:39 AM on Oct. 11, 2009

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