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to see or not to see

my uncle is dying. he stopped talking to me years ago, after my sibling had bi-racial kids. now i have my own little bi-racial baby. i loved my uncle very much when i was growing up. he is my great uncle and was always more like a grandfather until 15 years ago. should i go see him to tell him i love him? should i take my child?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:48 AM on Sep. 30, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (8)
  • You should do what feels right to you.
    If it were me, i would hope that i would go see him ...but i would probably not bring my child. NOT because the child is bi-racial. but because there is no reason to introduce the child to a man s/he will never meet again and who has no involvement in his/her current life.

    You need to ask yourself, "if i go to see this man, my uncle, will i regret it later? Or will i regret it MORE if i do not go to see him?"

    Good luck to you!
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:51 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I say go see him. If he is dying then it's all the more reason to see him before he does. As for taking your little one. IMO act like it's any other visit to see someone. If you normally take your sweetness, then take them. I wish you the best in your decision!
    2kidsonly2arms

    Answer by 2kidsonly2arms at 12:52 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • If you know its a point of contention then dont bring your child along but go yourself.

    You want to see him, say goodbye and I love you then go just by yourself.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 12:53 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • from my islamic perspective.it's a duty of the family members to keep ties even when someone doesn't want to keep ties with you especially during times of illness. I would say, prepare yourself for NO change in his attitude. Brace yourself for it and say you are doing this because he is your family , you love him and you want peace in your life. You may very well go in and find a different attitude. i hope you do.

    i had issues also because of my biracial children (although i don't think latino and black is biracial) but my parents do, my mom and my dad both have issues with it, but i deal with it and don't allow it to affect me. i am what i am a nd I love what I love. My dad died last year and he was always kind to my children . my mom she has said some nasty things both about my "biracial" children and my leaving christianity and becoming muslim, it doesn't matter i still keep my duty to her Because God ordered it
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 6:20 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I would do what you feel you are able to live with most easily after he passes. If that means going to see him and telling him you love him, I would do that- but with no expectations of the result or his response to it. You can only be responsible for your own words- be true to your own feelings but without expectations of a joyful reunion or an apology or any specific behaviour on your uncle's part. There is something to be said about forgiveness and maintaining love for those who have hurt us in some way. My grandfather and I had a very troubled relationship and he hurt me a lot when I was growing up, but I maintained ties and ultimately was very glad when he passed away that I had kept him in my life and in my children's life. My son really liked him and it did me a lot of good to see him anew through my son's eyes with none of the painful baggage form my past.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 8:24 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • As for taking your child, I'm not sure how old your child is but I would probably go alone. If the ethnicity of the child is an issue for him I would choose to leave that off the table, and if your child is old enough to have questions about who this man is and why he has not been a part of your life for so many years, I would probably prefer to bring those up in my own time and not in an emotional situation like this one.

    It's sad when race is such an issue in so many families. My kids are biracial and my dh and I have been married over ten years and his parents still have issues with it. They obvious favour their other same-race DIL over dh and I, and I really dread the day when my kids become more aware of the issues that grandma and grandpa have about them and about mom and dad based solely on the fact that mom and dad have different skin colours. It's sad.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 8:27 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • It sounds like it will bother you to not have a chance to have this closure with him, so I would go. I wouldn't take your child.

    Then, depending on how that visit went, and the age of your child, and how your uncle appears (for example, is he on a lot of machines, with a lot of tubes that could scare a small child?) then I would decide if I was going to come back with my child or not.

    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:51 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I would go see, if for no other reason but to bring closure. If the reason for your contention was because of the bi-racial children your sibling had, then I wouldn't take your child.
    Jewelzgirl

    Answer by Jewelzgirl at 4:08 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

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