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For AMoms and Adoptees...do you celebrate yearly?

Every year we celebrate the anniversary of the day we brought DD home (3 months) and the anniversary of the day the adoption was finalized. One is May and the other is November so we plan accordingly usually with a fun day out that ends with cupcakes and a small gift or two.

Although I know some do the same, I've talked with some AParents who think we are strange for doing this.

AMoms...do you do anything to celebrate these days?

Adoptees...did your parents do anything to celebrate? Are you happy with the choice they made to do/not do so?

 
AllAboutKeeley

Asked by AllAboutKeeley at 8:26 AM on Sep. 30, 2009 in Adoption

Level 33 (59,874 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (43)
  • I certainly acknowledge the day, to me that day was the most important day of my life, it is not the day that her bmom gave her away, it is the day that I became a Mom, it was the day I finally was able to "exhale". It will forever be the day that my family was formed.

    I also think it is significant because it is a way to pause and acknowledge the way our family was created, we make sure to read her "story" to her and we talk about how families are formed. We usually have a special dinner or maybe a trip to the beach or a playground. No gifts but a special dessert for sure.

    I also do this because I have seen it as recommended as a healthy thing to do. It's funny how Amoms cant win, if they celebrate the adoption they are wrong, if they dont, they are trying to forget that someone else was responsible for them becoming Moms. I'll never get it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I know once we get our little guy's adoption finalized in a couple of months that there will be a party to celebrate 25+ months of waiting to be his forever family. However, I too would be interested to hear adoptees feelings on the annual celebration. For us, the actual day he came almost 2 years ago, and the eventual finalization date will only be a month apart. However, of the 2, the finalization day would be a happier occasion to celebrate, rather than the day he was received into foster care. We presently are counting down the days to "Family Day", the day the judge makes us a family LEGALLY, because otherwise we already ARE a family.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:40 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I do not celebrate. My children don't like to be reminded that their birthparents gave them up. Four years later, my youngest still has a had time during July & August. The 4th of July was the last time she saw her birth mother. She watched fireworks with her. She's reminded every year by that that her birth parents didn't fight to keep her.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 8:58 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • motherofhope98, This is what I often wonder would overshadow that joy of becoming a family on a certain date, but reminding the children of the past. Do your children enjoy their birthdays or other holidays? I also see that the kids were like 7, 5, & 4 four years ago and one of your groups makes me wonder if these children were relatives that you adopted. I wonder whether that makes a difference, how much a child could remember before adoption? Ours is 2 y/o, been with us since 6 months, it still makes me wonder.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:34 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I'm seemingly one of those rare adoptees who had no trouble with their birthdays.

    My a-parents didn't do any huge celebrations - no need to. Birthdays were enough.
    Mei-Ling

    Answer by Mei-Ling at 2:27 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I think celebrating the day they came "home" or the day the "papers were finalized" is too much and a bit ridiculous.

    Celebrate the kids birthday.. no one wants to feel like their different. Other kids parents (biological) don't celelbrate the day they first got their birth certificate finalized.. or the day they brought them home...

    Who cares if it's by blood or by paper.. you should celebrate the birthdays.. like everyone else. All a kid wants to feel is normal.

    AAK, I don't think you're celebrating it for your child.. you're celebrating those two days for you.

    For your DD.. celelbrate her birthday.. you and your husband can celelbrate the adoption stuff. That's just my oppinion.. and yeah.. I'm an amom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Motherofhope98, that is one reason why I plan to go more by her reactions to these little celebrations once she understands what's going on than by what we want to do. If she does happen to be one of those Adoptees that goes through wishes to forget she's adopted, then there would be absolutely no "celebrating" of these days.

    You're right Anon 3:27, I am celebrating those days for me because she's only 3 and doesn't understand it yet...just as I'm celebrating her birthdays for me and her Christmases for me. Just as all parents do until their kids understand exactly what's going on and looks forward to it happening. We could easily pass by those dates (BDay, Christmas) without doing a single thing and she'd have absolutely no clue, but yet we celebrate. I don't want her to feel different or abnormal...I want her to feel CELEBRATED.

    Never thought about celebrating the day her new birth certificate was finalized. Ummm...
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 4:04 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • All kids are important & special no matter how you added them to your family. But I do think there's a line there where there's just a little too much "YOUR SOOOO MUCH MORE SPECIAL BECAUSE YOU ARE ADOPTED!" Kind of overboard. Kids like to fit in, in my experience. Everyone has a birthday, most people celebrate a winter holiday (xmas, Hanukkah etc) so that's normal.
    What do many adopted kids hear? "Your special because you were chosen!". So is that to say bio kids are less special? Actually, you didnt chose that baby, the mom who gave birth to her chose YOU to be her parent. You'd think aparents would want to celebrate Birthmom Day since w/out them, many would not be parents. Instead its "Let's Celebrate the Day Your Birthmom Gave You Away!" (yeah might not really feel as "special" if you called it what it really is)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Is there a "Birthmom Day?" When is it? We always give something special to BMom on the day we brought DD home letting her know how thankful we are, but I didn't know there was a day especially designated for Birthmoms.

    Thank you for your input, Anon 4:20. I definitely will take your opinions into consideration. We just obviously have a different way of looking at things like this. I see the positives in this and you see the negatives, which is fine. Guess time will only tell how DD sees it.

    Figuring I shouldn't tell you what I have planned when she looses her first tooth...
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 4:29 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I think the important thing to remember is that respectfully, there is a difference between saying "Let's celebrate the day you became a part of our family"... but STILL recognizing the loss in the original family that had to happen in order TO create the adoptive family.

    If the kid wants to celebrate, I'd say go for it.
    But there's a thin line between celebrating since the two events (adoption & relinquishment) are so closely correlated.
    Mei-Ling

    Answer by Mei-Ling at 4:49 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

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