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Having bad dreams about my spouse...

For the last week or so, I've had a dream about my spouse cheating on me at least every other night. It's so upsetting, that i'm actually pretty showing some resentment and impatience with him (once i'm awake). I tell him about it, and he treats it like a joke. I know he would never do anything like that to me or me to him, but it's so upsetting.

I had a baby 3 months ago and since then i've been very self-concious of my body because of the weight gain but mainly because of my flabby stretch-mark riddled belly. Before the baby, i was toned and had a flat belly. My self-esteem is very unhealthy right now and i'm starting to blame any relationship problems on my looks (i.e. he wouldn't treat me like this if/he'd treat me better if I were more attractive). I know this is unhealthy I just don't know what to do.

I've started kicking my butt working out, but I'll never get my flat, smooth belly back. I really need help.

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Asked by 1st_time_mom23 at 9:45 AM on Sep. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Level 12 (741 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I have been having those dreams for a few months now, and I have no idea why.
    They get really vivid, and to be honest, I wake up beyond pissed.
    I tell him about it and he laughs.
    The only way I seem to be able to get over it is by being left alone for a while to let myself "get over it" and then keep busy so i don't think of it.
    It definitely effects our friendships with females, and how nice I am to his female employees.
    Not intentionally, but I can't help it.

    Wish that was more of a helping answer.

    Answer by Dyssy at 9:48 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Maybe I'm jaded, but I think you should listen to yourself. Do a little investigating, I had the same dreams. They were so real and I'd be so upset, my husband would laugh and say they were only dreams. I never imagined he would cheat on me, but I was very wrong. He had been cheating since early in our marriage, possibly even before. I found out when my daughter was only 3 or 4 months old.

    As for the belly, I have no idea. I've learned to be fairly comfortable with mine and I bought new clothes instead of trying to fit into the pre baby ones.

    Answer by camiam81 at 9:53 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I have those dreams every now & then. I looked them up, and it's mainly just your insecurity manifesting itself in your dreams. Realize that it's a dream, and also realize that you don't feel great about your body right now. It really has nothing to do with your DH; it has more to do with you, and how you feel on a day to day basis. *HUGS* I totally understand this..... ;)

    Answer by hisemma at 10:11 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • so u r punishing your dh bc of your own personal insecurities about yourself? lady, u need to get a grip b 4 u push him into turning 2 another woman. if that doesn't give u incentive 2 cut the crap then nothing will

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I don't buy the crap about how you could push him to go to another woman. Only the biggest immature asshole would do that. I think it's your insecurity with your body playing itself out in your dreams. I have that too sometimes. It's only been three months since your baby was born. Give yourself time and keep up with your excersize. It does get better, I promise.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • to the anonymous poster about "getting a grip"... go find someone else to give crappy advice to other than this site. i posted this question to fellow cafemom members for support. i'm happy in my marriage, and have never been worried about infidelity, and how dare you to threaten someone you don't even know.

    To the rest, thank you so much for your answers. I have complete trust in my husband that is why these dreams are so hurtful. He would never do anything like that, i'm confident in that statement. I just wanted some support from you ladies, thank you.

    Answer by 1st_time_mom23 at 12:30 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • 1st time mom23: don't listen to anyone who uses "anonymous" as their screen name. they tend to be pussies, hiding behind a fake name.
    I've had these same dreams SEVERAL times. I started to make note of when I was having them (during the course of my 9 yr marriage). My weight had gone from 135-220 lb and it was always when I was pregnant or getting the baby weight off. So I would say that we do it to ourselves.
    Ask your hubby to understand how it makes you feel (cause he doesn't want to waking up pissed and punching him--I know this one from experience cause I literally punched my DH after waking up). :) He used to tell me I was nuts and to go back to sleep. Now that he knows how bad the dreams are, what causes them, etc he reassures me that he wouldn't do that, that I'm beautiful and holds me until I go back to sleep.
    As for the person who said to turn into a spy-don't. He thinks you walk on water.

    Answer by mom22littlegirl at 2:08 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • PS. Satan is the angel of manipulation. Remember that when your imaigination tries to tell you something that isn't true.

    Answer by mom22littlegirl at 9:10 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

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