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Do we need to ask the ex-wife's permission to have our wedding on a specific day?

My fiance and I want to have our wedding Labor Day weekend of 2010. The trouble is that the kids will have to be flown in since they live far away. My fiance says we will have to confir with the ex-wife. I agree because she has custody of the children at that time. But what if she says no. Then what the hell do we do?

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livechain

Asked by livechain at 10:50 AM on Sep. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • If she says no, you have to choose between negotiating with his ex-wife on your wedding date, or going ahead and risking that she won't let the kids come.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 10:55 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I don't understand why you have to confirm with the ex? I get that she has the kids but he is the father and they are his kids too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I would not ask, I would just tell her this is the date!
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:56 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Just tell her say you have the kids memorial day.. just offer to switch weekend/holidays.. or maybe on 4th of july switch with her. You will just have to negotiate. Unless you three don't get along I don't see why it would be a big deal. But if she is just mean and wants to cause problems then I understand. You could try to contact your lawyer and see if they have any advice.
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 10:59 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • She doesnt have to give up the kids on her days so if you pick a date when you dont have the kids you just have to accept that they my not be there.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 10:59 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • If she has custody of the kids during that time, then you need to talk to her about it, and ask if she would mind if you have them for that time. In a perfect world, she would be kind and gracious about it, and say no problem. However, we don't live in a perfect world, so she could, legally, say no.

    In which case you have a few options - 1) try to work something out with her, 2) move the date, or 3) get married without the kids. I would try 1, then 2, and try to avoid 3...

    The thing is that yes, this is your day, and you shouldn't have to ask anyone about it, but the other thing that goes with that is that he doesn't come without baggage and history (as I'm sure you know...) , and, because he has kids with this woman, and you're marrying him, you're, in effect, tied to her as well, and you're going to have yrs of having to compromise with each other about stuff like this, so starting off on a good note now would be good.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:05 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • If she puts up that big of a fuss about it, you can have the courts tell her to let them(possibly). I've seen it done. I hope she's understanding and doesnt go that far. Unless it interferes with school.....i can see a slight point there. But one or two days will not hurt them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Yeah, I wouldn't ask bc that shows her she has power. I'd TELL her the date and say you wanted to give her enough notice to be a courtesy
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:06 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • That's the thing though - she DOES have the power... Just as HE does when it comes to not letting her have them on his visitation times...

    There's an expression that says you catch more flies with honey than vinegar...

    I would simply say "We would like to get married over Labor Day weekend, and of course, it's very important to us that the kids be here. Would it be possible if we worked something out as far as visitation goes, maybe you could let us have them early, or we could swap weekends / a holiday or something?"

    If she gets nasty, then you can go with some other option, but why start with a fight when a simple request could do wonders...
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:11 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Ask first if she says yes great. If not try to negotiate but if that doesnt work your dh should put papers in to modify his custody agreement. He can get in put in the custody order and even if she puts up a fight there they will give it to him Its all in the best interest of the children and she wouldnt be oing whats best for them. We had to modify existing order for vaca. If it gets put in order she be in contempt if she doesnt allow then. Take a stand and dont let her decide your life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Sep. 30, 2009

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