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Why do people try to get in contact with people from past relationships?

I don't get it.what is the purpose in looking up and old flame when you have a family and spouse.To cheat ? It happend to me recently by my husband, and it was very hurtful.what do they get out of flirting with and old flame from years and years ago?


Asked by evelynwest at 4:25 PM on Sep. 30, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • If the person contacting the ex is now happy, it's to "get even." To show the ex that they've happily moved on with their life and hoping the ex hasn't.

    If the person contacting the ex is unhappy, it could be to rekindle the relationship--regardless if that person has found happiness or not.

    I think there is a twinge of insecurity in all of us, some can get over their insecurities and move on, while others (especially if there is any unfinished business or lingering feelings), allow their insecurities to overpower them and act on them.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 4:30 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • They get to thinking about that person and start to miss them. You have to wonder what they think they are missing in their current relationship. I'm sorry that has happened to you. That does sound hurtful.

    Answer by lowencope at 4:26 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • They wonder if the grass was greener back then and want to know if they made a good choice

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:34 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I don't know. I keep in contact with my ex occasionally. He was a big part of my life for a long time, and though I am not in love with him anymore, I still care about him in a friendly way. I'm still curious how he's doing.

    Answer by kikikiki at 4:40 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • oooooh that would piss me off. I see no reason for it. I don't think it's fair to be friends with your ex and I wouldn't put up with it, unless there were children involved, and then, no more than neccesary.
    But I think every person would do it for a different reason. Some want to cheat, some want to make SOs jealous, some miss their exs and care about or love them, some never got closure and therefore never got over it.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 5:08 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I'm with you, I don't see an innocent reason for that. My DH has an ex that every now and then texts him. It started right before I had our second baby. It was so stupid. I was sitting beside him the whole time. The messages were ridiculous things like, "I wanted you to know I've changed. Do you forgive me for what I did to you? I guess you're still mad. If you ever need a loan, I can help you because I work at the bank now." She walked out on him for another guy. The whole thing is so stupid. She contacted him again not long ago and got told by another one of his relatives, who got to the bitch before I did, that she needed to take a hint and move on, that my husband was not talking to her and had no reason to. This was after he texted her with the exact same thing. If she tries it anymore, I'll call her husband and see what he thinks of her activities.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 5:33 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • my husband never tried nor do i, like you said why? i don't get it. my husband has an ex who keeps trying to get a hold of him. he never responds. whats the point for him. he is happy with me. never was happy with her. she married herself so i think it's disrespectful of her to do this to her new husband not to mention to us as well. i let my husbands actiosn speak for themselves but she doesn't get it. his old phone belongs to his sister who says she still texts. i find her otterly pathetic. she dumped him.

    Answer by melody77 at 6:39 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • About six months ago I contacted an ex on myspace. He did not treat me well and it ended very badly. (My roommate was dying of Lupus. He never called to see how I, or my roommie, was doing. One night we were talking on the phone, he got mad at me for no reason and hung up. That was that. That was 17 yrs ago.) When I saw he is Divorced, I couldn't let it go. A few days had gone by until finally I had to send him a message.

    My message was not-so-nice. As LoriKeet said above, I sent it mainly to tell him I'm still alive, well, happy and I still remember what an asshole he is.

    To my surprise, he emailed back in a couple of hours! He was very pleasant and kind. It turns out he had been looking for me off and on through the years to apologize for his behavior.
    After that we did a lot of emailing and I finally got my closure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • i don't know if this is where you SO was coming or not but for me , most of my exs i was with for a long time2 to 3 years ( in teenage years thats long lol) when i have looked them up mostly on myspace , it was just to see how they were doing . yes we dating but we were also friends and sometimes i just wantd to know they were ok. Now im 30 i like to talk about the kids we have and are SO. i have never flirtted with any of them

    Answer by Draydensmom7708 at 12:20 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

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