Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I tell my mother-in-law?

How do I tell my mother-in-law that she can't babysit when her husband is around. He has in the past been creepy around teenage girls, like my husbands old girlfriends and also been saying and doing inaproperiate stuff with me and some of my friends. I do love my mother-in-law and I know that it will break her heart when she finds out the new rules. We have been lucky and been living across the country from each other but my husbands work now brings us closer.
How should I handle this?
My husband is on my side so I have all the support I need from him. He will not back down on this decision.

Answer Question

Asked by Christel78 at 6:32 PM on Sep. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • You need to be upfront and honest. There really is no other way to do it.

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 6:36 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Why would you tell her? If I was in the situation I would have DH talk to her since she is his mom. I know if I approached my mil about something like that she would think it was my idea and be upset with me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • wow...have you told your MIL any of this? i would bring it to her attention, and just say you dont feel comfortable with your child around him, and make sure your hubby is there to back you up and give support.

    Answer by danette624 at 6:38 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I would just explain to her what you just said to all of us. Explain that you love her and that SHE is more than welcome to visit you and sit the kids, but HE is not allowed around you or the kids period. Explain that he gives you chills and creeps you out and that you don't trust him...Hopefully she will understand. If she doesn't, then it will just take her time to get "used" to it. If she loves you guys enough (and her grandbabies), she will come around, you just have to be firm with the no husband rule.

    Answer by mammacjjc85 at 6:38 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • You could always just not ask her to watch your child. If she asks then say you have something going on to where she needs to be with you. Have your husband tell her whats going on.

    Answer by lowencope at 6:45 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I know that my husband has to have the talk to her and yes, she knows that her husband has been a creep towards me, I told her. She is just so freaking sensitive about stuff. She got totally freaked ot and pissed when I told her that if she wants to drive my kid arond in her car, she needs to stop smoking in it at all times not just when she has my kid and that if she wants us to come and visit that they can't smoke in the house and around my baby. She got really offended when they came to visit the week I was due and lit a smoke up in the car and I asked them to put it out and the answer I got was they had the window rolled down. I asked them to pull over so I could take the bus home.

    Answer by Christel78 at 6:49 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Sounds like a very sensitive case, so maybe my last reply won't help you. It sounds like you just have to put your foot down with them. Kind of like what lowencope suggested-don't take your kids over there. Deffinately have hubby talk with her, but I wouldn't take kids over there until you notice that he is not there and won't be there. When she questions it just tell her that you aren't comfortable with him and you don't want to be around him. I probably would have stopped taking kids over there a while ago due to the smoking.
    I don't take my kids anywhere that people smoke near them. I don't need to tell people how to live, but they won't live that way around me or my belongings (car, kids, house...ect). My in laws tried the whole smoking thing around us, and I didn't care how sensitive they are...they are NOT to "break" my rules in my home or car...

    Answer by mammacjjc85 at 7:10 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Just tell her

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:28 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Let your husband handle his family.

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:54 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Oh, wow, I would totally let the Hubs handle this one, it is HIS mother and she needs to hear this from him with your quiet support.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 10:43 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.