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Do you or have you ever argued with your spouse in public? How do you feel about this?

My husband picks fights with me ALOT. I try to avoid it with him you know but I can't predict everything or every mood he will be in. Well, there are times we are talking and I say something that rubs him the wrong way and instead of him just letting me know so I can address it he starts throwing fits. It doesn't mtter where we are. He will say he hates me, yell, or get close to my face and growl at me and then he will tell me he is ditching me. Well, when this happens at home I am blown away still every time when he does it but I just tell him to go outside or something and chill. In public, like at school, he will take off. I hate it because we drive to school together and I think he will leave me at school. Just abandon me there. So I go after him and ask if he could please not run from me. He makes such a huge thing out of me following him but I don't do it to pester him. I have no way of getting home..we live an hour away

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:44 PM on Sep. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Op: I know hounding him would make no sense but I don't intend to do that. I do ask if he is going to just take off if we could try to have a civil conversation about the problem so that we may not fight in public or he won't take off and leave me at school. What would you do????
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Leave him. He is an asshole. Why do you want to be treated like that. your young so you have plenty of time to find a better man for yourself. LEAVE THIS LITTLE CHILDISH BOY YOU ARE WITH..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Yes, I have! But, I was the one blowing up at him. I just do not give a shit what anyone thinks, so it does not bother me. But, my SO obviously does care which I am unable to fathom why anyone would care what complete strangers think about you.What the hell, give them a little something to talk about! I answered your original question, not the issue you spoke about in the body of it obviously.
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 10:53 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Oh, hun...I think you may need to do some serious work to deal with this. I have had fights with my DH in front of others...3 or 4 times in 13 years together.

    It is not something I am willing to tolerate. The dirty laundry should be washed at home.

    Sounds like there are some anger control issues. And, if this is something he has done regularly from the beginning of your relationship, I would take that the necessary boundaries were not established early on in your relationship.

    Seek some help. Or, if you are willing to stand your ground, start by not allowing him to do this...in private or in public. Take your own car places, or have a back up plan in case he does leave you stranded. Part of the issue seems to be that he knows you will come after him...for whatever reason. Seems like he knows he can get away with anything. If you cannot stand your ground on your own, seek help. But do something...soon! Good luck!
    PrincesaBoricua

    Answer by PrincesaBoricua at 10:55 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Op: He says he hates that I come after him because it embarrasses him. I try to be respectful of not doing that because I to do not want to be embarrassed. I just hate feeling so vulnerable with him when I have to walk after him across campus while people watch me struggle and he is practically running from me. I don't care usually what others think about my relationship with him, but I try to be professional at school. So I don't want all this extra attention from strangers when it is not school related attention.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • PM...me after looking at my profile, if you realy need help.
    I would get rid of him...FAST !!!!!
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 11:43 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Yeah you don't need this stress and the kids don't either.
    If you want to continue then just shut him up by saying....YEP YOUR RIGHT! seriously I had a bf that always wanted to fight so once I threw the YEP YOUR RIGHT right at him...he was lost, lol

    Anyway I see people in the park fight and bicker and wish they would just stay home instead of coming to the park and pretend things are swell...it ruins it for the kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • So it's ok for him to embarrass you like this, and make you look and feel badly, and make you afraid that you're going to be stranded?

    I think you need to either get into counseling - with or without him, or you need to leave him, or he needs to grow up. Or, honestly, a combination of all 3.

    I think that maybe YOU should be the one in charge of holding the keys. It won't address the underlying issues here, but could you say to him, I don't like that you embarrass me in public either, but I won't go after you anymore if you're willing to let me carry the car keys so that I don't have to worry about being left here while you're off having a tantrum.

    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:07 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • OP: We have gotten counseling together. We actually went because he had violent tempers at home..he would break things or throw things in front of our child. He hasn't been doing that anymore. Now he just has these temper tantrums were he gets in my face and yells or growls and calls me all kinds of names. At home he goes outside away from me and my daughter. At school it is in front of everyone. I have asked him not to take the car but we have 2 sets of keys. Anyway, I think I have become too weak to leave this relationship. I keep holding onto that eternal faith he will grow out of this. He is 2 years younger than me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I'm not trying to be mean, but honestly, why should he grow out of it? To change would take effort, he's obviously happy with the way things are - meaning he's happy being able to act this way, and he has no reason to want to stop.

    Because he knows he can treat you badly and demean you and scare you and try to intimidate you (and all of these things are signs of an abusive relationship in the making - ESPECIALLY when coupled with the other stuff you said). He got just enough help, and changed just enough, to keep you around, but not enough that he has to actually start treating you with respect.

    I REALLY don't mean this in a mean way, but honestly, do you want your ds to grow up thinking it's ok to treat people this way - the women in his life this way as an adult, or, for that matter, to grow up thinking it's ok to be mean to Mommy, because Daddy is?

    You ARE strong enough to leave, or INSIST on more counseling!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:21 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

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