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Just broke off my engagement; my fiances actions scared my son... advice please

We were together about 2 yrs & he lived with me and my 9 year old son for 1+ yr. Due to his temper/control issues which got progressively worse (emotional abusive) , we agreed to end the relationship.

After the break-up, which was discussed (via phone), he came to my house and started arguing with me in front of my son (told me f-you) and refused to leave. It got pretty ugly and I decided to call the police becasue my son insited I do so because my ex was trying to break into our locked door.

My ex left a note apologizing to my son for acting that way & for disrespecting mom (me).

I'm concernced about the effect this may have on my son. He started having night mares since & always asks if the door is locked. Also this man was part of his life so I'm sure thats effecting my son as well (my sons father lives out of state but stays involved/visits on a regular basis). My son doesnt say much, should we seek counseling?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Sep. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • It never hurts to seek counseling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Counseling would probably be good, but I would not get back with this man, and if you do, don't get married at least. I can tell you an abuser only gets worse over time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • First of all, I am going to thank you FOR YOUR SON...there are so many moms out there that stay with abusive men because they "love them" but they don't think about how it hurts their children. So thank you for actually LOVING your CHILD MORE than the idiot who hurt you and your son. Our children SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST BEFORE ANY MAN...their safety depends on our actions! :)

    Yes, I think you should seek counseling for both you and your child. You guys sound like you need it.

    P.S. I am a survivor of domestic violence x 2. My child was the reason why I got out. I loved her MORE than I thought I loved my ex. Now I'm married to the MOST WONDERFUL MAN EVER, and we've been together for 4 yrs. and married for 3 yrs.
    JamiDesigns

    Answer by JamiDesigns at 11:18 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I don't think he needs counseling... I think something scary happened and freaked him out, as Im sure it did you... and it was traumatic... it'll take a little while to forget, but he will, and he'll feel comfortable again. Just talk with him yourself and reassure him that everything will be fine.
    Gremlyn

    Answer by Gremlyn at 11:19 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • yes to counseling
    micahsmommy512

    Answer by micahsmommy512 at 11:22 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • Gremlyn
    YOU do not know if he will forget it or not. Everyone handles trauma differently. I just had a recent traumatic incident 5.5 months ago, and it will surely be something i will not forget. If you think that he will forget because he is a child, you are mistaken. There are people in this world who remember things that happened even when they were only 3 years old. Her boy is 9 years old. I do not think this will be something a 9yr old boy will forget ESPECIALLY because he's been dreaming about it.

    OP - If you can afford counseling or if you insurance covers it, then yes, counseling would probably be a good idea. If not, dont worry. It's not the end of the world. YOU can talk to him. Try not to give advice, just listen. It's important that you know his fears, and his feelings towards the incident. And it's even more important that he knows you will do your best to make sure it will never happen again.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 11:28 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • LOOK AT MY PROFILE....and PM ME.....
    OR type in domestic abuse.
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 11:40 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • I agree with JamiDesigns.....you did the right thing for your son by ending it, and so many moms don't make that choice. Personally, I think counseling for both of you would be a good idea.

    You deserve a man who will treat you with respect and consideration, and so does your son. Good luck, and take care of both of you......
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:44 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

  • RUN!!! Trust yourself
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Sep. 30, 2009

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