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Could SERIOUSLY Use Some Input On This

For the last few years, I have endured mental and emotional abuse from my fiance's ex. The end result of this abuse is my diagnosis of anxiety and depression and the loss of a child due to stress during pregnancy. I have gained weight, become increasingly anxious about things happening to my children, I lock my doors no matter if it is during the day, I screen phone calls, I limit those who come in and out of our home (meaning friends and family), and I am very afraid to be left alone in our home without my fiance'. I have gone to the point of purchasing a taser to protect myself and my family.
Now, here is the kicker. She lives OUT OF STATE. While I know that to be a fact (her family and friends who still speak with my fiance' have made this clear to us as a means to put our minds at ease) I am still afraid of her attempting to harm my children. I have been informed that I could seek damages against her but I am not


Asked by Anonymous at 9:19 AM on Oct. 1, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • well wow, ok. Since she's the ex, is she the bio of any of your so kids if he already has any himeself? I'd talk to fiance and your kids daycare, school and give dates and proof, etc. and provide a picture of her to them so they know who to keep away from your kids. Same to good friends in your neighborhood. Have you called police at all? Sorry it's happened to you and your loss, worries.

    Also, think about a survivors group of violent crimes. It could or other counselling could help you focus better. Hope you feel better!

    Answer by lfl at 9:28 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • certain if I would or not. That costs money that I do not have available to me presently. However, I have been informed that I could possibly file harassment charges and defamation of character charges against her in court. I have a large stockpile of evidence against her but my issue is I am afraid that even with all this evidence, all she has to do is say "Well, I'm bipolar" and she will get off the hook. Mind you, she has threatened to injure my children and myself. She has threatened to purchase a shotgun, come into my home, kill every living thing in it, and burn the house to the ground. Honestly, I just need some input on this.

    (And if you're going to bash me, go right the fuck ahead. I don't give a shit about people who cast judgement on others. I'm looking for a solution, not narrow-minded bullshit)

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • If she has done all that to you, and your SO has not even tried to stop it. Why are you still with him? IMO. It is not worth it to me. For your sanity you should break up with him. JMO.

    Answer by louise2 at 9:24 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • What I said was a solution. Not a bash.

    Answer by louise2 at 9:26 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • OP here:

    Louise, he's made several attempts to get her to stop. He went out and got a restraining order on her, has had our phone number changed many times and even had it placed on private, installed a home security system, and spoken with her family members and friends about keeping her away from the house. He's gone to great length to ensure our safety and he himself has had no contact with her. He has also asked our neighbors to alert the police if they see her in the area. I understand that what you said was not bashing and I appreciate the input.

    lfl, I am actually going to therapy for all of this. When I started going, I did not think she was the cause. However, after speaking with three seperate physicians from three different offices (one of whom is out of town) they have all stated she is the cause of the anxiety and depression. I will definetly look into the support groups!

    Thank you ladies for the advice

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • You didn't address someone's question of whether he has children with her, so I don't know if this is an option for you, or it may not be an option for other reasons, but: could you guys move? I realize it would be hard to leave your friends and family, but maybe you wouldn't even have to move that far away, just move to a new house with a new phone number, and limit the people who have access to that info? An unlisted # would make it more difficult to find you and if she got hold of it, it would be bonafide proof that she was looking hard for you. Just a thought. Otherwise, it sounds to me like you have done everything you can possibly do to protect yourself and your family and now you just need to convince yourself of that fact, and that you can and will do what is needed to protect you and your family IF she ever tried anything. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:25 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • OP:

    Tropical, they do not have any biological children together. Currently, we are looking into moving but there is an issue with our current home. My fiance' was awarded the home in the divorce decree before he and I began dating and since then, he has made several attempts to refinance the home and sell the home. Refinancing is a no-go until March 2010 due to him having to pay attorney's fees because of several issues involving her. When we have made the attempts to sell the home, she has denied the sale of the home because she was not pleased with the amounts being offered for the property (legally, he cannot sell the home without her signature)

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • One should not have to live their life feeling threatened or worried about another! I am so sorry you have to be going through this! I think that if you have enough evidence you should pursue a suit against her, if she counters with the bi-polar excuse you could work with her family to possibly have her committed to a psych hospital or rehab program. Do you have an open line of communication with her family? If so, I would certainly let them know of the threats that she has made and what you are prepared to do to protect your family. I would make sure that your local police are fully aware of what she has said to you and your fiance, I would also try and contact an attorney and feel them out as to what you can do in this situation. GL!

    Answer by emnasmom at 12:59 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I don't think she's the only one that is bipolar. not bashing. look up the symptoms. your paranoia, attitude and symptoms fit the profile. get some counseling b4 taking it 2 court

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • OP:

    emnasmom: We have thought about legal action against her and we have also discussed the options with our attorney. Honestly, if I can avoid going through that situation, I would gladly do so. But, in the event that it does come to that point, I hope that something good will at least come of it.

    Anon, I did not have any of these symptoms until she began making threats against my children and myself. I am in counseling and in therapy. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I believe I should have made it apparently clear that none of these symptoms were present before the threats began but as I didn't, I apologize. Right now I am just trying to figure what I can do to help my children and myself live a happy life without being threatened.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Oct. 1, 2009