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Adopting "not bonding" and then giving that child up for adoption?

What do you think about this? I think it's absolutely insane to adopt a child and after 18months realize that you aren't "bonding" with the child and give that child up for adoption.
Talk about failed adoption.....This is exactly why some people shouldn't adopt. I hope that people that do this are never allowed to adopt again.

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legalmommy101

Asked by legalmommy101 at 9:52 AM on Oct. 1, 2009 in Adoption

Level 7 (169 Credits)
Answers (77)
  • legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:54 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I think she tried and ya know she could of done a lot worse! At least she made sure he was always safe! I do not judge her!
    4artistsmom

    Answer by 4artistsmom at 10:29 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I'm with you 4artistsmom
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:36 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I'm with the two previous posters. There are mothers that give birth that don't feel they bonded with one or more of their children. Should they not be allowed to have children?

    It's horrible and sad when things like this happens, but it's not something someone can force. It's no one's fault when this doesn't happen. One of the big things I've learned with adoption is that you should never judge!!!!!!!!!!
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 10:46 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • "One of the big things I've learned with adoption is that you should never judge!!!!!!!!!!"

    I think general society missed that memo, AAK.
    Mei-Ling

    Answer by Mei-Ling at 10:49 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • So just because you don't "bond" with your child, it's ok to give them up for adoption? Isn't that message she's sending? Poor child has been abandoned twice now. I really don't think 18 months is hardly enough time to "bond" with an adopted child that was no adopted at "birth". Once you adopt a child and then you decide you don't want them and give them up for adoption, NO you should never be allowed to adopt again end of story. I feel sorry for her own children if she decides that she hasn't quite "bonded" with them like she thinks she should and throws them away too. This woman is selfish plain and simple.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 11:06 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • This is a heartbreaking disorder.We have neighbors/friends that adopted their nephew when he was three yrs old 16 years ago from profoundly neglectful parents.The dad is a doc so they have tried everything that has had merit.Sometimes their bio-kids have suffered when so much attention has gone to him. He still has major major problems.I can't judge her ,she did what she felt was best for him.A live in professional can only be better for him.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 11:08 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I cannot tell you how much I disagree with you legalmommy101. The way I look at it, an AParent is a parent same as any other parent...just becomes so in a different way. I wholly believe it is wrong to say something that is a very individualized thing that you have absolutely no control over should cause you to never be able to become a parent.

    I have a good friend who adopted her son at 16 months...he came straight from his BMom and one of her reasons for the adoption was she didn't feel she bonded with him. To say what you are saying is no different than to say that this BMom should have immediately forced to have gone through any number of surgeries to have never allowed her to have children again.

    Or are their different rules for AMoms and BMoms here?
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 11:18 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I'm not one that feels that all "birth" mother are selfless. I use the term "selfless" loosely when it comes to describing birth mothers. It's this pick and choose mentality that is really disturbing. We don't get to pick our parents just like we don't get to pick our children. Let's just call it as it is. She was selfish in the first place for ever adopting this child when she already had a large family. She then decides that she can't handle his "issues" and wants to get rid of him. I absolutely believe that if you give your child up for adoption because you can't handle their "disabilities" that you shouldn't have anymore children. The birth mother of this child shouldn't be allowed to have anymore children either. Any mother that leaves her child on the side of the damn road should have her uterus ripped out.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 11:30 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I have a friend that adopted a child and she became violent and was a threat to her family, she could not afford the treatment needed and since the child was no longer a part of the foster care system she could not get help that way either. She did give the child up and it was one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever been a part of. Did she not try hard enough? I do not know, but I do know she did further damage to this child by not being successful at raising her... was it her "fault", that is so hard to say, I do know she signed on to adopt a child that had needs and then could not fulfill those needs. Is she a monster, No way. Did she fail? yes.. should she try again-NO! Not being mean, but if she over estimated herself once and it cost a child she should not overestimate herself again at the expense of a child. It is hard for me to write this CONT
    wildboyz1994

    Answer by wildboyz1994 at 11:54 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

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