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How do you get over it?

I know time heals everything, but still. Here's my situation. I left my husband about 3 weeks ago, we were together 5 years. He comes over to see the girls a couple days a weeks. It kills me inside when I see him, it brings tears to my eyes. I know its totally wrong, and just a rebound relationship, but I have started talking to this guy, it helps with the pain, you know, but everytime I see my ex DH, it hurts so bad. If you have been in a similar situation, how did you get over it?!

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Ari0825

Asked by Ari0825 at 10:06 AM on Oct. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • It's only been 3 weeks and you already have a rebound!?!?!?!? If you love him and miss him that bad ditch the boy toy and try to get counseling with your ex as a family to try to work things out.
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 10:25 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • No, we have tried everything, he is very violent and it was for the better, but it still just hurts. I miss him and love him, but things will never work out between us, how do i get over the hurt when I SEE HIM??
    Ari0825

    Answer by Ari0825 at 10:33 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Depends on WHY you left. You say he was "violent"; my XH was too. The thing that helped me was when my BIL asked me "is that what you want your daughters to grow up seeing as a normal relationship?"

    Nope. If either of my daughters ever came to me and told me that she was being treated that way, it would break my heart and I would be to blame for letting them grow up thinking that was okay.

    I never looked back.
    KLBrown

    Answer by KLBrown at 10:56 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • when i left my ex husband, i was the happiest camper in the world. No regrets, i should have dont it sooner. Remind yourslef of why you left him in the first place. Don't be so attached to him.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:11 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • This is going to sound really mean...but I'm going to say it anyways...Its been 3 weeks since you two haven't been together it is only NATURAL that you feel this way you did what is best for your daughters not to grow up in an abusive home. BUT the fact that you are dating someone is sooooo WRONG you just broke up your family (for a good reason) you should be focusing on your KIDS and on YOURSELF and rebuilding a life and a sense of normal , you should be reassuring your girls that you love them, and explain to them how a man should respect and treat them...you don't need a REBOUND relationship. You don't need ANY relationship not for a while A LONG WHILE focus on your girls . I understand that you can no longer be with your ex but try and build a friendship with him with your daughters. Your daughters look at you as a role model they will always remember how you handled this situation so I hope you do it with self respect.
    abbyg

    Answer by abbyg at 11:14 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • see if she was in an abusive relationship it may not be ideal to jump into another relationship but if a boy toy keeps her from going back to the abuser then thats what she should be doing... kwim? but just make sure you keep this fun and light and don't jump into anything serious for a long time while you heal.
    KatieP.

    Answer by KatieP. at 11:46 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Here's my thoughts...you left your husband because he was violent towards you, leaving was the best thing you could do...holding on to the past love of him will only pull you right back to him if you're not careful...meaning, get over the feelings you had for this man because if you keep holding on to those feelings, when he thinks you've had enough time to think things through, he'll come asking for you back. So if your not careful, you'll end up with him again.

    As far as dating...you just left an abusive marriage and its only been three weeks, therefore you haven't had time to heal from this...you haven't had time to get yourself together in order NOT to attract another abuser...

    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:05 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Confused about why no one answered the question you asked???? I would just think of the abusive times when you see him. Alot of times when we see someone we have been in love with in the past, we only see the things they did right. But obviously he did more wrong than good. So when you see him force yourself to remember the bad stuff! As far as what everyone else is saying about you having a REBOUND guy, so what? Ladies she needs to do whatever works for her to stay away from this abusive guy. And if this is working so be it! Good luck and STAY STRONG. I know it is hard to start fresh but you and your children will be better off in the long run.
    sara13178

    Answer by sara13178 at 12:43 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I left an abusive ex and started dating again a month later. I would sit on my couch and cry and mourn the loss of an intact family. Seeing him for the longest time hurt and made me miss him. Why did I miss him? Because he was all I knew for so long. HIs control was all I knew for so long, and so it was only natural for the tiny brainwashed part of me to miss him. It was VERY healthy for me to start seeing how I deserved to be treated. The man I started dating a month later eventually became my fiance. We took it slow and I didn't introduce him to my daughter until I knew it was serious. It'll be hard for a while but in the long run you need to do what's right for you and your children. And sometimes what's right is NOT staying with your husband.
    Ravensong

    Answer by Ravensong at 1:12 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • First off don't be there when he comes. Let a friend or family member be there instead. Using the new guy to help with the pain can come back to bite you in the behind so be careful with that.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:50 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

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