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What is your opinion?

I am 43. I have 5 kids. I have two DD's that are 16 and 19. They both live at home and have both recently found boys that they would like to see exclusively. I had my first at 19. I had about the best chances a young mom could have as I had my diploma, a great family and support system etc. But I do realize I know way more now than I did at 19. I am having a problem deciding what freedoms to allow my girls when it comes to boys. Like how late can they be out on school nights etc. My oldest DD is a senior and she will be 19 in Jan..but she is "behind" if you will...not much experience with boys. I don't want to smother them, but I don't want them to become young moms either. They know they can come to me for birth control etc. We are pretty open with one another. What are your thoughts on rules when it comes to boys at their ages?

Answer Question
 
salexander

Asked by salexander at 10:42 AM on Oct. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 26 (28,366 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I think having open lines of communication about what is expected and what is not tolerated in regards to boys and sex is key.

    Only you can decide what are the guidelines in regards to date nights, curfews, etc based on your family values. If you are afraid of coming off as "harsh" you can always make it so that they can earn additional privileges based on bevaior and performance.
    KATEISME

    Answer by KATEISME at 10:51 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I think they are old enough to date but should be in a youth group at church. They need to know why they should say NO to making love till they are married! God Bless! What if they met their future predestined husband early do not interfere and do not give them the okay by giving them bc pills! that is condoning it! What would a mom do a 100 years ago when teen pregnancy was frowned upon? get a chaperone for all dates or double date and have an accountabilty system! they are shopping for a husband remind them?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I would say 10 on school nights, unless its a school activity and 12 on non-school nights (except for major dances, ect). Thats for both daughters. As far as boys are concerned, encourage them both to have them around your home a lot. My parents discouraged that to some extent with my last BF in HS and it caused us to find "interesting" things to do elsewhere. With the previous ones, they always encouraged us to hang out at the house, and there was a lot less experimenting going on.
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 11:00 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Well herein lies my dilemma. They go to Catholic schools, morals and values are extremely important. They are good girls...but so was I and I got pregnant at 18. Not that that makes me a bad girl, but as mothers you can understand how we all want what is best for our kids. I know that I need to set rules...and they will bitch and moan regardless, it is what teens do. But I also realize that if I am too overbearing they will run, sneak, lie etc...I don't want that. I am open with them but they are still kids and don't see me as a friend only a mom..which is how it should be. I have raised them well I don't doubt it. But I seem to er on the side of caution...I think I may be too strict. I told my 16 yr old her friend had to leave by 9 on school nights...she told my DH is was being a "fuddy duddy" Obviously she feels that is too early...I don't know what to do.

    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:02 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I think it is also important to know where they are going and make sure they are telling the truth. i would say midnight is reasonable on weekends and 10 on weekdays for the oldest. If grades slip they have to come home earlier on school nights. ONly you know your children..out til 10 on school nights seems late if they are out every night but at a ball game isnt too big of a deal. If it is a special occasion or they tell you they are going to a late movie and will come straight home after but it will be 1230 then i would say ok to that too.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:04 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Talk, talk, talk. Ask them what their goals are for the next 5 or 10 years and what steps they plan to take to get there.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:44 AM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • and don't forget to have the banana and condom talk with them
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 1:44 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I think keeping the lines open is wonderful. Sounds like you guys have a good communication system going.

    As for rules....well, at 16 I had to be in at like 9p on a school night. Sometimes 10p depending on the situation but no later than that ever. I like that rule. Its late enough to see a movie or have a nice dinner with friends or whatever but not so late that I couldnt get a decent sleep. I will probably do that with my boys when they are teens.

    With your oldest being 19 thats a bit tougher cuz legally she's an adult. Id probably say if she isnt home by 11p on school nights then she'd be in trouble.

    I tend to be a bit strict compared to some but I figure those are decent times to go and have some fun, still get homework done and a decent nights sleep. No need to be out til 1am or so even when its NOT a schoolnight.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 1:45 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

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