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Does your dh/so ever make you feel like he is not good enough for you?

Did you ever make the mistake on telling your dh/so on what kind of ideal man you would love to have but ended up with your dh/so anyway.

Now in back of his mind he thinks that is what you really want even though you are with him. Sometimes I open my mouth when I am not suppose to and get into an arguement. I love him so much but how can I make him feel sure of himself and of me to make him feel that I love him and only him, even though I tell him and show him he still thinks this way whenever we argue or when something to that subject comes up. How would you handle this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Oct. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • since there is no "ideal" man out there...I don't even bother with "fantasizing" about one, it's a waste, let alone tell my Husband about an "ideal" man.

    my Husband is more than I ever dreamed of. sure, he has his faults, as do I, but we don't let our flaws get in the way of our marriage.

    you need to stop talking about and "fantasizing" about this ideal man, he doesn't exist! love your Husband for who he is and remember all the reasons why you fell in love with him and married him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I don't want to sound rude, but you should stop telling him that. Period. It doesn't matter if you're arguing, you're saying that to hurt him and you MUST stop. All you can do is continue to reassure him and SHOW him that you love him and only him. You pulled a big, nasty, hateful cat out of the bag and now you have some major damage control to do. Reassure, and stop being mean in arguments!
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:34 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • My DH has a picture in his head of who I am, what I should become and his thought is he ruined it. I love him so much more than I ever thought I could love a man, he is caring, sensitive, sweet! But he feels inadequate and it makes me sad to see him feel like he doesn't deserve me! When we get into an argument he's always like "you can find someone better!" When I honestly couldn't live without him!!! I just remind him 4 times a day that I love him, he is perfect and I wish I could be better for him! I don't really expect his insecurities to go away until we've been together for 80 years and die in each other's arms.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • the damage is done. you hurt his ego. i would say just let it be. as time goes by he may come to realize that all that time your still with him and must love him.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:36 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Thanks Ladies

    What I meant about opening my mouth I meant back when we met bc I really didn't think we were going to be together but we did the reason I thought that way was bc I was single and it seemed as if I was just getting jerks in my life but he was and still is the one. but before we got serious I had said that stupid remark and I hate myself for doing that. But he makes it so hard to he is very jealous and alittle controlling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I guess I'm the odd one out because I wouldn't want to be with someone I would have to reassure all the time.  You made a mistake, crap happens.  You said crap you shouldn't have, most of us do.  Well, at least, I know I have.  To be honest, what I think in my head is "he needs to get over it, big baby".  That may seem cruel but I have to be honest.  I would only try once to apologize and explain to him that this is a "fantasy" man, not something you really expect in real life.  If he didn't get it or was still down on himself, I would tell him to either grow up or get some counceling.  Maybe I'm just crabby today, who knows.   ;)

    Katrina3016

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 12:40 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Making it up will take a life time now. A minute of mouthing off it going to take a life time of fixing it. That was a hurtful blow and done to be hurtful. Hopefully he won’t do the same to you to see how it feels.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Well, since you are with him NOW, that must mean you "approve" of him and he should figure that out for himself. Obviously your original ideas have become a thing of the past and he needs to believe in himself and your marriage.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I always TELL my SO he's not good enough for me and that I allow him to hang around out of pity for him. He knows that is crap and just laughs at me. He tells me that if he goes then his mini him goes. That usually makes me shut up and behave. lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:57 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

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