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Am I expected to just give her money for college?

Our daughter just started college. She's gotten some scholarships, but they don't cover everything. She was offered an ROTC scholarship that would have covered everything and she would have had plenty of money left over, but declined it. She doesn't want us to talk have any parental role or talk to her at all as a parent. She only comes home when she wants something. When she declined the ROTC scholarship, she emailed us to tell us and insulted us in the email instead of just saying she wasn't taking it. Now she wants us to pay the balance of what's left of college after her scholarships. She thinks we can just write a check. She has no idea what our finances are, just thinks that because other parents who make less can pay for their children to go, we must have money. What would you do? Pay it even if it put you in debt? Thanks!

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Oct. 1, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (55)
  • Parents are not responsible to pay for college. Her education will mean so much more to her if she pays for it. And you never know....if she applies herself she could end up in a company that will pick up the tab (my daughter did).

    Answer by EireLass at 2:41 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Actually, up until the age of 24 she is considered your dependent and your financial information will be needed for financial aid purposes. If you are denied a PLUS loan-which is a loan for parents-then she can take out stafford loans to cover it. But, until the age of 24 or she becomes married or has a baby-her financial aid will be based off of what you two make.


    Answer by JennRN09 at 2:44 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I would tell her that since it was her decision to turn down a full-ride scholarship, it is now her responsibility to pay for her education.

    I worked my way through college and my parents didn't pay a dime. I also tutored a lot of classes through academic support services, and what I saw was in general the students who were paying for their own education really saw the value of it and put a lot more into and got a lot more out of it than students whose parents were paying their way. Even if I can afford to pay for all my kids' college tuitions, I don't think I will.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:45 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • She can get a job to help and learn some respect too, or she's on her own.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 2:45 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I understand about the FAFSA and the aid being based of what we make. But that doesn't take into consideration what we pay out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • If she didn't have a good reason for declining the scholarship then she should pay. She may have had a good reason. There may have been requirements she was not willing to to for the scholarship.

    You all need to talk about what's going on. If she expects you to pay she needs to explain her choices to you. She may be able to go to a different college and have her scholarships cover everything.

    One of my sons didn't want me to be involved in college decisions and he made very bad choices. He ended up dropping out and then a couple of years later going back to a community college for a 2 year progam and living with me. My other 2 listened to me and one was a RN by the time he was 20 with grants paying everything and my other son has just started college.

    We call my oldest son's early college decisions his period of temporarry insanity.

    Answer by Gailll at 2:47 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I know-and they don't care. They come up with this magical number called the EFC and that is what the family is suppose to be able to afford to pay...I would tell her to go to her financial aid office and apply for a loan. She can-if she wants to stay in school, she'll have to. Why anyone would pass up a scholarship is beyond me.

    Answer by JennRN09 at 2:48 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • You dont HAVE to do anything. First off, she should've discussed the ROTC scholarshp with you two before she declined it. Now, she has to deal with the consequences. Make her get a part-time job. Make a deal (if you can afford it) to pay half the difference. That way the whole burden is not on either you (the parents) and her. But, if you can afford it, she needs to figure it out.

    I had to. It sucked and I screwed up bad, but I now realize how stupid i was and irresponsible. I'm now back in school and appreciate it so much more.

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 2:48 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I think you needed to tell her earlier that the only way she could go was to accept the ROTC scholarship. I think it is unrealistic to expect her to pay it all herself. College is much more expensive now. She should work to help, but you need to come up with some money too.

    Answer by mompam at 2:49 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • okay i have a couple questions... what state do you live in and what state is she going to college in? because out of state fees are RIDICULOUS and i would tell her to go to college in the state so its cheaper or get a job. if shes in the state just tell her to get a job or try and get student loans

    Answer by pookipoo at 2:50 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

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