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I feel like I have to respect my Christian morales AND keep peace in my home-but whatever decision I make I will be neglecting one. Dilemma: I dated this guy in high school (15 years ago) and we broke up and he joined the military. A couple of years went by and he paid a visit to my moms house looking to talk to me. I was at my boyfriends house (now husband). A few years went by and he paid another visit. So, my boyfreind began to question why this guy keeps appearing out of nowhere. Which I don't blame him, but I had no control over his visits. So, fast forward 9 years. He contacts me on facebook letting me know he's in Iraq. He mentions in his message that he wants me to forgive him for the things he did toward the end of our relationship. My husband thinks that he's trying to run a game and says not to reply back. But what if he really needs my forgiveness to move on in his life? I don't know what to do! What would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Oct. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • He is persistant.I'd reply to tell him it was along time ago and all is forgiven.and talk about how much you love your current husband and how happy your family is.Maybe that will be enough and this guy will be on his way.He is in Iraq afterall for us.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 3:31 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Wow, he just feels bad how things turned out and if he hurt you, and that's awesome that he wants your forgiveness, also you're the one that got away to him. I'd leave hubby out of it, since it was before you guys and it's not like you guys are having anything to do with each other or talking. Just let him know you appreciate that he's actually sorry, but that you're married and have kids and he needs to move on now.
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 3:31 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I can imagine how you feel being a woman but look at it this way try turning the tables around you would not like it one bit you are now a married woman.

    The past is the past it sounds like maybe you want to touch base with him again....Don't do anything girl or you'll lose it all. Let him go he needs to let go and don't be so naive about replying to him so he may move on forget him he will be fine he has all these years.

    Maybe he is trying to get you back regardless if you are married especially if you have no kids yet.

    Don't do it do it for your husband/boyfriend which is he you mentioned him twice.

    Give your dh that RESPECT.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I would forgive him, whats the big deal? Tell him you forgive him, but that's it. Tell him you forgive him, but you are not interested in "reconnecting". Your husband is probably a bit jealous and does not want you to give this guy the satisfaction of contacting him. It's no big deal though.

    Think if it was the other way around, would you mind? I'm sure your husband would forgive his ex girlfriend if she asked. What do you think?
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:38 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I am a christian woman and I see nothing wrong with letting him know you forgive him. That is a major part of Christianity after all. So is there a way you could tell him and then not speak anymore to him? Your dh should understand and trust you by now, but it is a dangerous game talking to your ex. Good luck to you, I hope God blesses you and your marraige. Ask Him for help if you havent already.:)
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 3:43 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Tell him that he is forgiven and that you hope he finds someone who will make him happy. You may also mention that you hope he finds someone who makes you as happy as your husband makes you. Then you might want to emphasize the point by commenting on good things in your life, how bright your children are, what a pleasure they are to you and your husband, how proud you are of your husband, and so forth. If you know any single ladies who might enjoy writing to him, introduce them. Say that you have a friend that he might enjoy emailing with. or two, or more.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:52 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Look let him know that you forgive him he doesnt know what his furure holds but before any thing happens to him he just wants forgiveness form you so give it and wish him well and let him know that you are happy and doing fine.Who knows maybe he has someone , being where he is at was bad enough to think of all the bad things that has happen in the past he wants to make a amens for.
    paurad

    Answer by paurad at 4:08 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Tell him all is forgiven but not to contact you again. (I'd ask hubby if he was ok with that)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:36 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Others may think that I'm a sucker but if my hubby asked me not to reply then I wouldn't. I'm sure he would feel disrespected if I did reply after he asked me not to. My husband's feelings are far more important than some old boyfriend from years ago. That's just my opinion.
    Alizzie_Mom

    Answer by Alizzie_Mom at 4:45 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Ok. So I discussed this w/ my hubby. Your ex had 15yrs to "GET OVER IT(ur forgivness) & on w/ his life. YOU are married. Tell him to take a hike in a nice & classy way. Your hubby doesnt deserve to be disrespected also. That was my own thought. )
    giannasbabyboo

    Answer by giannasbabyboo at 10:18 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

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