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He wants an open relationship

My husband came home from work yesterday and announced he wants to have an open relationship. Meaning he can sleep with whoever he wants, and I can sleep with whoever I want, but at the end of the day we are still married. I am so shocked. We've been married for 5yrs and he has never said anything like this before. I thought we had a great sex life, but apparently he doesn't think so. I asked if there were other things we could try to make our sex life better and he said that thats not a problem, he just wants this freedom. I just do not know what to do. No way is that the way I want my marriage to be, but at the same time I don't feel right divorcing him either. We have 2 kids, ages 6 and 3. Any advice or ideas on what to do? (I really want to go to marriage counseling but he refuses). Thanks ladies!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Oct. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (25)
  • Wow I would not be ok with that. I would tell him that you dont want that and if he insists then you will consider it cheating and will make decisions accordingly. I would ask if he has been faithful and if he has a partner in mind.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 3:36 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • So what are you going to do about this, are you gonna give in, stay and let him cheat or kick him to the curb and find a guy worth your time and love?
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 3:36 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Separate now before he brings home some STD.
    meandmyshadow

    Answer by meandmyshadow at 3:37 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • It seems like he has made up his mind. I wouldn't put up with that. It looks like he is asking permission to cheat on you. If you aren't down with the idea of an open relationship GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I know some "women" are ok with open marriages but I for one am not. If my husband suggested it I'd have a lot of questions and if he insisted it I'd tell him I don't believe in that, if he doesn't like it he can pay for a divorce.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 3:40 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Pardon my language - but what a sorry piece of shit! Somebody has put this stupid idea in his head - obviously what he's saying is that he wants your permission to have sex with another woman - I'll bet 10-1 that if you said yes - he already has someone in mind. Then if you dared to get upset about it - he would say "It's not my fault you haven't found anybody you wanna sleep with yet"........ If you had no inkling that this was going to be part of your relationship then you have every right to be angry and hurt by this - I'm sorry you don't get the freedom and the commitment at the same time. It's one or the other. Hell, hon, I'm mad at him too. What an ass!
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 3:41 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • If he refuses counseling I'd say you have no choice really. I couldn't live that way...I mean, he's not just cheating, that is obviously the worst of it, but where is he going to get the time to have all this sex with other women whenever he likes? Will he now be going out late on the weekends without you? Sacraficing family time to go pick up women? There are so many layers here...you have young children, and everyone will suffer. I'm sorry, but no way. If it were me I'd say no, that is not going to happen....either go to counseling or separate.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:41 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • go on a couple of dates w/ other guys, he might get jealous & say screw the whole idea.

    I would also check to see if he is cheating. Get your spy glass out! If you agree to an open relationship, that would make a divorce on grounds of adultery very hard. He may be asking you because he feels guilty about something.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:42 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • And I agree with Pace, he already has his first conquest in mind, if he hasn't already done it already. I'm guessing someone he works with...
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:43 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • That would break my heart if my husband asked me that! So sorry you have to deal with this. You know in your heart what you must do.
    mamasarias

    Answer by mamasarias at 3:45 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

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