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Communication

I am the single mother of a 5 month old baby boy. His father has never met him or been involved in his life. However lately we have been talking. We are trying to be friends for the sake of our son. The problem is that whenever I tell him I'm doing something for the baby he tells me I'm wrong or I'm a bad mommy or he just plain doesn't approve. How can I convince him that until he is around to help me he needs to back off and not criticize me? He also has to realize I'm doing the best I can! Help!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Oct. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I think stability is really important for children and a father who comes in out and of your son's life isnt stable.

    When your son is older you can explain that to him but you can also explain that his dad was the one who CHOSE not to be in his life also.

    Give him a chance if you want, but if he hasn't been in this child's life for the first few months I really doubt he will make an effort on a regular basis.

    Good luck and DON'T feel guilty for doing the best by your son...he will know his mother did what she thought was right for him...he will know you love him.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 6:39 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Talking to him isn't doing you or your baby any good. File for child support and see if he files for visitation. If he does want visitation then you may, but don't have to, want to communicate with him.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 4:54 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Tell him FLAT out. " I FAIL to see how You as a NON existent father has ANY business telling me how I raise our son is right or wrong. Unless you are an actual, consistant part of his life, your opinion dosnt mean squat. I'm raising him ON MY OWN. You dont get to have an opinion NOR do I want it. How many kids have you actually raised? None! So butt out!" Tell him just like that!
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 5:44 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I would tell him to butt out but I'm afraid that when my son is older, if he chooses to meet his father, that his father will tell him I kept him away because I hate his father. Thats not true. I love his father. He is the one who walked away from us.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Ignore him. When he brings it up, change the subject.

    If he gets snotty about it then respectfully say thanks for your opinion but we are managing just fine.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 6:32 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I understand the fear you have but I think you need to just tell him that he needs to quit with his criticizing.

    Remember also it is NOT up to you to make him be a part of your son's life. If he wants to be he will of his own accord....BUT you really need to think this through for your son's sake.

    What if he decides to be involved but only shows up when he feels like it? Is that fair on your son? Do you think he will be regularly in your son's life or do you think he will be let down?

    If you think your son will be let down and won't have regularly contact with his father then I would cut him out completely.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 6:38 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I told him that the first time he tells me h is going to show up and I tell my son he said that, if he didnt show up it would be the last time and he would not see his son again until he is 18.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Ya I deal with this issue, it's annoying but as your childs mother, you do what you know is best for your child. As his father, your ex has a right to opinions but that's about it. Don't let him control you, or make you feel bad.
    Some extra advice that you didn't ask for- :)
    Don't ever talk bad about your ex to your child. It will hurt your son to think his own father sucks or (fill in the blank) Please trust me on this. My mom did it all the time. It hurts.
    Your son knows that he is part of his dad, and if you tell him that his dad is bad in any way, he will think that it means he must be bad too, or that you do not approve of them having a relationship.
    Well, I wish the best for you, hopefully it will all work out. Congrats on your son.
    Being a single mother is soooo much better than being in a bad relationship.

    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 8:29 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I'm confused. If he has not seen the child and is not involved, then what right does he have to express his opinion? Does he pay child support? If he is already giving you shit, I would not talk to him anymore, you are just opening yourself up to more headache than you already have..just my opinion.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:17 AM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • He claims he has every right to express his opinion just because he is my sons father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Oct. 2, 2009