Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I give my daughter her dad's last name?

I cant decide to give her my last name, Remmy, or her dad's last name, Walker. Me and the dad aren't together, but we do talk and he want's to play an active role in her life, but i dont know if he's going to stick to doing that or not. Plus, if he's not in her life in the future, I don't know want her confused to why she doesn't have my last name...What do you think I should do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Oct. 1, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (17)
  • My SO and I weren't together when I had my DD, but we are back togheter now. She has his last name, and I know he will continue to play a largely active roll in her life. But it is really up to you.. this is a personal choice, but to me, he is her dad, and nothing will change that-well, obviously if he isn't around...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • He will always be her father, nothing you can do to change that. Regardless of whether he's a good one or not. I just always thought kids should have their dads last name. I gave my DD her dad's last name and we are now married and all 3 have the same name. I know that doesnt always happen but how hard is it to say "You have your father's last name" she's going to know she has a father regardless of if she knows him or not.
    ma2b08

    Answer by ma2b08 at 5:05 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Noooo. It makes life so much more complicated when your children have a different last name. What if he is never a part of her life? She will be stuck with the last name of a man that doesn't even care enough to see her. It will be a constant reminder. I'm so glad I gave my son my name and I was married!
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:06 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • if there is any doubt at all, go with your last name. why not? you are just as much a part of your baby as the father is. and you for sure will be around :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • If he is named as the father on the BC Id would give her your last name. She can always petition the courts at 18 to get her Dad's last name. My sisters 4 kids all have different last names and people give her constant shit and ask questions about it all the time. Go with your name and avoid the hassels
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 5:24 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I HATE my last name (long story there) so I gave my kids their dad's last name. I really dislike having a different last name from them but just really didn't want them to have my last name. I say if you're not together then give the baby your last name. It will be easier, trust me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:28 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I'm married to my DH and me and my daughter have different last names. I chose not to change my last name when we got married and kept my maiden name. Had we not been together (as in physically), she would've gotten my last name.

    If you guys get together eventually, yall can change her name to his last name. But regardless, his name will still be on the birth certificate.
    robibuni

    Answer by robibuni at 5:32 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • My 12yr old has my last name, her dad was and still never is around, she has only met him once in her life and has talked to him 3 times on the phone. My 2 yrold her dad and i have not married and i gave her his last name. I wish i would have given her my last name only cuz it is so hard when i sign her up to places or go to the Dr or anywhere and our last names are not the same. He never takes her to the dr or gets her rx filled or any of that and he is very involved in her life.

    thats just me but you will know in your heart when that baby is born what to do.
    roxyann76

    Answer by roxyann76 at 5:47 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • yes if you don't give them their fathers last name it's like saying he is not a part of her. which is not true. he is the father and he should be able to give his daugther his name. i think children need to have the indentity of both parents to be who they are. i didn't give my first son his fathers last name and have regretted it. he is after all his son and i don't have my same last name as i did then. so my son has felt left out. he has my maiden name that onone else in my family has. you need to think of the future. you can change your name easier then it is to change a baby's last name. it would now cost me $70 and both of us to agree to it and go to court cause i never just gave him his fathers name. i was young and fooled by someone saying that for tax purpose not to do so. she was wrong or she flat out lied to me. she was a witch. don't make the same mistake.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 5:48 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Absolutely not DO NOT give her his name. She should have your name.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 7:21 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.