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Is it wrong for me to not want my fiance to go out for his 21st birthday?

Let me give you a little background first. When we first started dating, about 6 months into it, he got wasted and tried to have sex with someone. Now if he is at a club downtown with all these sloppy drunk horny girls and he is a sloppy drunk horny dude what will keep him from screwing them? We discussed it and he said "ok then I will go stock up on some stuff and just have a few people over". That's cool with me, but now he said "It's tradition". Yea well no one else had a "wife" and kid at home when they turned 21. I can't even go with him because I will only be 20 when he has his birthday. I think maybe I'm being unreasonable, but it just really bothers me.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Oct. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You asked this already and got some good answers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I get why you'd be upset about it, but if he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat. You can't control him. Hopefully he is a stand up guy and won't make that choice, but keeping him home and on a short leash won't get you very far either. Either you trust him or you don't, and if you don't, you've got much bigger problems than a night out for his birthday. Good luck, it sucks to be in your spot, I was there when I was young and it will drive you insane. FWIW, I divorced that guy and married someone I know wouldn't cheat.

    Answer by gramsmom at 8:47 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • Why would you want to be with someone if you're afraid they are going to cheat on you if they go out drinking? Let him go. If he cheats, leave him, he's not worth it. Ugh. Relationships will not work if you don't trust each other.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:54 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • On My DHs 21st bday I took him to a nice dinner and he ordered his first beer. Then he got lots of alcohol and we had a little get together at home(I was still 20) When I turned 21 I was pregnant so I couldnt drink or anything... So we just went to a nice dinner and had a good time... He should compromise with you. My DH didnt want to go out without me. I agree with the other posts also. If you dont trust him your relationship wont work...

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I kind of agree with anon :54. My SO goes out usually once a week (not lately, 'cause we're moving & crazy-busy) & i completely trust him. in the three years we've been together, i've not once been worried about him getting wasted & cheating on me. in my opinion, he should not be getting THAT wasted while out anyway, it's not necessary. he could go out & have a few beers without getting s*^tfaced. and he should compromise with you on that. 'cause the pp is right, keeping him on a short leash won't do anything for you. let him go, but let him know that you don't want him coming home wasted & ask him to keep the drinking to a minimum - 21st birthday or not, he needs to respect his wife & family.

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 9:11 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • His idea of having friends over was a great one!
    I agree with the others tho, you have to have trust. He's been with you longer, married you and I'm assuming has a family with you. Has he matured since that happened? You can't live in fear and keep him secluded to make sure he doesn't cheat. Wish it was that easy, but it's not. Men and women can cheat in broad daylight, sober so if they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat and there's not a whole lot you can do about it.
    Good luck in whatever decision you two make about that night.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:34 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • he will resent you for it later if you don't let him have his good time now, you wouldn't want someone to hold you back

    Answer by angevil53 at 9:56 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

  • I would not be in a relationship with someone who was capable of getting drunk and forgetting that I existed.

    Answer by FL2AK at 11:25 PM on Oct. 1, 2009

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