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My husband keeps making my self esteem go low

I am 19 yrs old and I live with my baby father,we just move together we use to live at my mother's house now he wants me to be his slave am always cleaning my house and his always calling me you a dirty bitch look you went to work and left the dishes there am saying the dishes he dirty he throws all his clothes everywhere and I pick them up, but when am in a rush or am late to work and I make a mess somewhere he calls me a dirty bitch that am a shit etc.. so dirty am supposed to clean everything bla bla and calling me a bastard all the kind of bad words and that's really ruining my life because am always feeling sad and like am not worth nothing what could i do to fix this cause i want us to be together but he doesn't change that way to be some advice please

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Oct. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Seek free couples counseling in your area. I don't think having a talk with him will do the trick.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • He is not going to change you need to leave him if you want a better life for u and your baby. I know it is hard, but no one deserves to be treated like that. You cannot change someone but you can make choices for u and your child to have a better life!!! Dont take that from anyone!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 2:37 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • I would definately seek counseling, but this is boder line abusive and could turn physical one day. I would say give him an altimatum, either he goes to couseling and starts respecting you or you move back in with your mom.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 2:38 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • counseling is probably the only action you can take. why exactly do you want to be with him? if its just b/c you have a child together than its not worth it, you can still be parent together w/o being together. so i'd sit back reevaluate make sure that is what you want, and ask him to go to counseling w/you. if he refuses and refuses to listen, you aren't going to change him.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 2:39 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • I'd be telling him really fast to cut the crap or find another person to verbally abuse. I wouldn't stand for it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:01 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • I would never be with someone that talked to me like that. If I found out that's how they were going to treat me after I lived with them, I would leave. Remember, the way he treats you is the example you are setting for your child. Your child will grow up thinking that's the way it's supposed to be and either be an abuser, or will let themselves be abused. Is that how you want your child to be when they grow up? He has many insecurities himself, and that is why he makes you feel so bad, so he can feel better about himself. If or when you leave him, he will move on to the next one and be the same way. This behavior rarely ever changes. You deserve better and you need to be an example for your child, so be what you desire your child to be.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 4:41 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • If there is any chance at all of him changing, then he has to be absolutely certain that you will get out of his life if he doesn't straighten up. Pack your stuff and go to your mom's house while he's at work. When he asks, tell him you will not be with someone that treats you like crap and if he wants you back, then he needs to make an appointment for counseling. Do not go back to him with just promises, and if you do go back and it's not better, then leave him for good. Your child will not benefit from having his/her mom disrespected- children blame themselves when abuse is going on at home. You have a job and hopefully, a mom to go live with- you can do this now- but if you wait, you may not have many options.
    ranedare

    Answer by ranedare at 5:08 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

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