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Should I throw a birthday party for my soon to be 15 yr old when I dont think he deserves it?

He's not doing his homework, very irresponsible (losing and forgetting A LOT) Sassy and argumentative and defensive and puposely agrrivates me and his sister. Doesnt clean up after himself. Gives me a hard time about doing SIMPLE chores like hanging his clothes. He doesnt help me with anything. He thinks everything is about him! He has been disrespectful and starting arguments over the theme of the party and complain and bad mouth. I thought about letting HIM plan, set up and clean after the party but he will probably end up being lazy and me doing all the work.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Oct. 2, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • Since he's already stated he doesn't deserve a party, then no to the party (but yes to the family get-together... that's a huge difference to me). He said he feels invisible... maybe he's acting out for attention? Maybe he needs more one-on-one time with you? That's a difficult age, in both school, home, and life, and if he's saying he feels invisible, he's probably trying (in his own teenage way) to open up to you about WHY he's been acting that way. Do the cake, candles, and decorations at your family party for him, make him feel like he's special (because it is HIS special day!), and tomorrow, sit down and talk to him about ways that his relationship with your family can improve (make it a compromise... ask him to stop the backtalk, but in return you'll try not to nag so much for example). Good luck, and happy birthday to him!
    trebelcleff

    Answer by trebelcleff at 4:03 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • i'd probably not throw one than really. he's way past old enough to realize the consequences of his actions. maybe if you feel he needs something, let him have a friend over for dinner and some cake, but that'd be it.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 2:37 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • No. At least I wouldn't. You don't want him thinking that even though he goes through life not doing what he is supposed to do he will still get what he wants in life. It is better her learns life's lessons as a young man. You would be doing him a disservice by rewarding his poor behavior.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • I wouldn't throw the party. Just celebrate with the family. Take everything away from him and if that doesn't work try a reward system.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • He will have to straighten up if he wants a party, all the things you said he was and wasn't doing will need to be improving first, and if he doesn't make changes by then, well I wouldn't throw him a party. He would have just a little something from the family. And if you do give him a party he has to help with clean up and continue the progress of things afterwards too!
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 2:39 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • I didn't get a birthday party when I was 15. I wouldn't give him anything more than a small family bash.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 2:40 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • I wouldn't give him anything, if he can't appreciate it whats the point, be's oviously mad at you now he will still be mad after.
    NicholeAT

    Answer by NicholeAT at 2:44 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • Everyone is right.If there is enough time perhaps let him earn the party.Set up goals that must be met.If it is to late for that maybe plan something for the end of the semester based on goals being met,maybe a small holiday party.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 2:50 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • Yes I would. The party and his birthday should be completely separate to the issues you are having with him.

    Don't expect him to appreciate it but do it because you love him and you want to celebrate the day he came into the world.

    You can always let him know that you are still upset with him for all the issues, but that you love him regardless and want him to have a good day.

    Thats what I would do anyway.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 2:50 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • nope. i'd make a cake to have as dessert that night
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 2:59 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

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