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Nice gesture or inappropriate

My child is about to turn 1 and we have an open adoption with her bmom. (cards, emails, phone calls) I heard of the idea of having a large card at the party so everyone (friends/family) could write a little note to let the bmom know how happy we all are that this baby is with us.
Inappropriate...good idea. What do you think

* the bmom lives out of state if that matters

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Oct. 2, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (22)
  • I'm a birthmom...and I would honestly find that weird. Send pictures of the birthday girl, and your own personal thank you, but not a big group one like that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • twisting a knife into the birth mom. But, that's just my opinion, maybe some birth moms would appreciate the gesture. Hard for me to imagine though that there is not a more appropriate way to involve the birth mom in the child's birthday.

    Answer by Southernroots at 4:15 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • I'm a birth mother and I don't know that I'd like that, I think it would feel weird, while I'd be happy that my child was so loved I just don't think I'd really like something like that. A card from you with lots of pictures would be nice and maybe even a phone call on that day would be nice.

    When my son turned one - my son's mother sent me his invitation, a letter about the goings on at the part and a ton of pictures of him having a wonderful day. I loved that.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:23 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • Wow.... glad I asked. I was thinking that it was a nice way to let her know that not only my husband and I had our lives changed but that grandparents and Aunts and Uncles all love this baby so much and want her to know how much they appreciate her for choosing us. Kinda like, this is "the village" that is raising this child and that she is not forgotten.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • Def good intentions but you know her better than we do. Do you think she'd appreciate that? It may be a keepsake and reminder of a positive decision or she may feels its being thrown inher face. If you are no 100% then dont do it. And like the other poster said, send something having to do with the baby. She has an agreement with you and the baby and not the family involved with her life now.

    Answer by Steph319 at 4:34 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • I think your reasons are right, about the village and all, but I don't think that's the way to do it. I think if I'd gotten a letter or a card from one of my sons extending family telling me how much they loved him and what kind of things they liked doing with him, I would have loved that. But, birth days can be really tough for birth moms and "happy we all are that this baby is with us." reminds bmom that the child is not with her.

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:40 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • Your intentions are good, but I agree with the others - it might be a little unsettling for her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • I wouldn't do it unless you guys agreed to keep in touch.

    I look at it like she carried your baby and once the baby was born it became all yours so you are the mom now...just let it go live your life with your baby.

    I know you mean well but you just might open up a can of worms. GL (sometimes it happens where the biomom regrets giving her baby away).

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • Anon 4:09 "Just let it go and live life with your baby"... Let's not forget where that baby came from!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • Yeah, I'm going to have to be another bmom echoing the others here. I understand your thoughts are in the right place, but I just can't imagine getting something like that. I think it would just be too painful.

    Birthdays can be hard for bmoms and though I would bet she would love to see pictures of the smiles aned laughters from that day, I think such a card would be just a little too much, especially is she is struggling with the day, as so many do.


    Answer by bellacocco at 5:34 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

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