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Single mom, new boyfriend: how can I cope with my son's jelaousy and keep my relationship.

I am a single mom. My 4 year old son and I have always been alone and in the recent months I have found a new partner. While my son adores my new boyfriend, he is super jelaous of him when the three of us are together or if my boyfriend is affectionate towards me. Now his jelaousy has transfer to other members of the family including my own brothers and nephews. What can I do to assure my son he's not being replaced?

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Asked by DianaMaria at 4:33 PM on Oct. 2, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (10)
  • My honest opinion, you should NOT bring him around your kid until you 2 have been together for a long time and are engaged. Its not healthy for him...Until a SERIOUS commitment has been made, not "just a boyfriend"

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • OMG the ANON is right.. i waited six months before i brought my hubby in to my sons life.. but on a lighter note, we had to watch them touching till like three or fives down the road, then when we got married we chose to let my son see.. this is a long and hard process it will not happen over night.. its been almost 4yrs now and we are GREAT but it did take sometime getting there..

    Answer by ArlieBeeMee at 4:44 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • his behavior is normal. He was used to being the only man in your life. I would def stop getting affectionate around him. Its too soon and inappropriate considering his reaction. Spend time with him and talk to him at his level. You should have introduced this guy as a friend until he was comfortable with him. GL

    Answer by Steph319 at 4:45 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • I would ask your son how he feels and what he would like you to do to make him feel better. I would also just put your son first. If he feels uncomfortable then tell your boyfriend to leave, I am sure he will understand.

    Keep putting your son first and he will soon realize that the new boyfriend isnt a threat to his and your relationship.

    Answer by keyaziz at 5:21 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • Maybe I didn't pose the question correctly. What I was wondering is how do other single moms have dealt with jelaousy in their children when introducing a new mate. We are actually engaged, he did not meet my son for 6 months. And we DON'T make out in front of my kid. Some of your responses offend me, what kind of mother do you think I am.

    Answer by DianaMaria at 6:03 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • try to involve him in it too,like if u and ur boyfriend kiss or hug,walk over to him and hug and kiss him too and mabe have him hug ur baby too.let him and ur son spend some time togeher,mabe go to the store or someting

    Answer by angelairelan at 6:20 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • It's normal.

    Don't sweat it.... if he has inappropriate behavior towards you or anyone else out of jealousy, point it out as 'unacceptable' as you would any other 'naughty behavior' --- he's only 4, so put it in terms he understands.

    The key to this is communication.
    "Johnny, I don't like when you get so mad ...what's causing this? Can we talk about it?"

    Make sure your son knows how much you love him, and that he never needs to compete for your affections from anyone else.

    Hope it works out... it's normal stuffs, I went through this as well, and I can tell you that you just have to be patient, and REALLY communicate with your child.

    If you're unsure how to do this... get help from a counselour! --- It's not a sign of weakness to need or ask for help from others, it's a sign that you genuinely care about and love your child.

    Hope this helps.

    Happy Computing! - PinkSodaPop

    Answer by PinkSodaPop at 7:45 PM on Oct. 2, 2009

  • This is completely normal and it will pass if you handle it correctly. If you really like this guy, and he likes you then you guys should work hard to make your son feel included (because we know you would choose your son if it came to it, but that issue should never come up). Anyway, like I said. Make him feel included -- take him with you bowling or to dinner, and do things he enjoys doing (this means all three of you). But make sure you spend some quality time with him yourself too! Then, once you're completely comfortable with the idea and your boyfriend is too, maybe you can start letting him do fun things and have some "man bonding" -- send them to the grocery store together and give yourself 10 minutes of peace while they hang out.

    As long as your son knows that your new boyfriend is not the most important thing, and that you love your little boy more than anything, everything will work out just fine, honey.

    Answer by CoffeeOrDeath at 5:41 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • Kids before boyfriends.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • The answer is to not be affectionate with the boyfriend in front of the child. Be respectful of your son. I'm not against relationships for single moms - but unless it is a serious relationship headed for marriage, in my opinion, a child should not be introduced to the bf. Find a baby sitter for dates. If it is serious then no affection around the child. Holding hands is fine but kissing and cute touches is disrespectful. So keep it "friend" when the son is around and "boy friend" when he is not. Sleep overs are unacceptable. You are the role model. Model good responsible behavior. In case this doesn't work out keep things simple. Once the engagement ring is on the finger you can start family counseling for a blended family. Right now three is young and he knows this is NOT daddy. Even if he never had dad around. And hotel rooms are exciting. Let bf know to just be friends by day and date when the child sleeps.

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:36 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

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