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My daughter is in college 4 hours away. Does not have a car and I checked out her Facebook and a girl offerd her a ride home

My daughter accepted this ride and hasn't told me she is coming home. Is it to much to expect to have her tell me she is coming home?
Why wouldn't she tell me? unless she is coming to town and just not coming home.
I don't know! she shuts me out and doesn't reach out or talk to me.
If we talk it is because I call her or text her.
She does not ask me how any of us are doing when we do talk.
I feel lost because most people I know have kids that are loving and considerate.
I don't want to have to ask her if she is coming home. I shouldn't have to ask!!!
She should tell me she is coming, right?
The more I think about it and the other things the more I get mad/hurt

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on Oct. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • It may be so that it is a great surprise. Either way, you should behave as though it is a great surprise. :)
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 6:43 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • maybe she wanted to surprise you. Or maybe you drive her nuts with your clingyness. She is an adult now you can't expect her to be at your beck and call. Relax, let it go if you have a fit you will only push her away
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:45 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • Try what I did ... when my son went to college I told him that any trips he took were his choice but his whereabouts were my worry. I asked him to tell me if he took trips whereever so I wouldn't be shocked that he was in Alaska or whereever when I thought he was in New Mexico.

    Also I called every so often and just left messages on his cell or texted him that I loved him and I was proud of him. Sometimes my texts simply said please be safe.

    I also let him know that his calls home to chat were alright no matter the hour. If his time to chat was before classes early, that was ok. If it was at supper my time, that was ok.

    Letting him know I knew his time obligations were changing because of college helped us connect better and that I knew he'd have his own decisions to make. I also always welcomed his college and highschool friends with little notice. My home at his age was his home for his guests.

    Do u not want her?
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 6:47 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • Are you paying for her college? If not, it's none of your business. She's an adult now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:51 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • Wow that sucks, I call my mom at least once a day and so does my sis. Do you all have a rocky relationship?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • She's a young adult just living life. She knows that if there was a problem you'd let her know so there is no need for her to call and ask. Her life is full and she's having new experiences and meeting new people. It's all good. Let her spread her wings and find her fate in life. Sometimes we moms want to hold on to kids when we need to let them soar. It's not that she doesn't care, it's just that the bright lights of life have her mesmerized and she's following their twinkle. Wish her well and stay busy in this new stage of life so you don't get drawn into the woe is me that some parents fall into when kids go off to college.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:26 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • When I went away I def. did not call my mom all the time. Actually she insisted on talking everyday and basically that just annoyed me and it felt as if she was clinging. When my brother went away 3 years later her rule was at least 1x a week just call. With technology today, shoot we can just communicate, let each other know we are okay through the internet.
    Mom -- she's growing up, she's opening her wings and she's pushing you away/back as part of that process. Yup, it hurts it sucks but prob. the harder you try to pull the harder she'll push.
    You deserve to know she's alright -- so set up a system like the PP did other than that...... let her breathe and take some time to discover the new you too.
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 7:46 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • While I agree to some extent with other posters about not being clingy and let her be an adult. I also disagree. If you are paying for her education that makes it your business what she is doing and when. Just because someone is legally an adult doesn't automatically make them mature enough to just be let go. The vast majority of 18 yr olds are not ready to be out 100% on their own. When my son left for college we payed his dorm fees, books and lab fees. We also paid for his cell phone still. He was 200 miles away. We made an agreement that if he wanted to continue to live on campus and have a cell phone he needed to call or drop and email at least once a week so that I knew he was okay. I didn't care if the email just sai :Hi Mom Im fine Bye" I got several of those. In the beginning it wasn't an issue. He had never been far away from us and he was homesick. As he made friends it became a lifeline. As far as he aloofness..
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:23 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • Time to cut the cord mom. She is an adult out on her own.
    FL2AK

    Answer by FL2AK at 8:24 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

  • Cont'd
    That strikes me as more of a personality conflict. She sounds like shes used to having her way and you fall in line. In your shoes I would not text, email, call or facebook her at all until she does so first. Backing off could help a lot. As in most relationship the purseued often run away...the ignored begin to beg for attention.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:26 PM on Oct. 3, 2009

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