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marriage talk

so we had a talk about marriage and i was under the impression that it was going to be a good talk but it turned into he thinks i hate his son which i dont i jsut dont love him like i love my own kids and never will. i didnt give birth to him or raise him he will never be my son and i dont intend to treat him like i treat my son and he dosent treat my son like he treats his son. we have a daughter together and i love him dearly and he treats my son good and i treat his son good so idk if he is just trying to avoid marriage or if he really thinks i am going to feel the same way about his kid as i do mine.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:17 AM on Oct. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I do not love my step kids like I love my kids. This is NORMAL. We have bonds with our children and we do not bond like a motherly bond with step children. Yes, we find things that we have in common and we love them but it is NOT the same.
    Some of you bashing her for being honest and telling her that is not humane need to research being a step parent. I am raising my step children and I love them to death but I had to find our "bond or interest". It is not a natural like with your own.
    Anyway, it is the way you treat them that matters. I understand while he is protecting his son and thinking ahead into the future, he will ask alot of things but I do not think he is saying "if you cannot love my son like your own I am not going to marry you". You need to soul search and so does he.
    JLynn0871

    Answer by JLynn0871 at 12:45 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • i think it sounds like he is trying to protect his son. if you can't love his son the same way you love your own than he IMO has every right to not want to marry you. most step moms i know say they love their step kids the same as they love their own.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 2:20 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • how is that possible to love a kod that isnt urs? i dint give birth or raise him hes NOT my kid and never will be. and what about his daughter dosent she matter?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Sounds like you're spiteful, and he is too, and your problems are only bouncing off of each other's because you feel the if he doesn't treat your child like he does his, then you're not going to treat his child like you do yours. Which means nothing is going to be resolved, and it will only escalate in to bigger issues. Yes, you can love a child that is not yours. There's not reason for either of you to treat either child better than the other. It's pitiful. You two need to really work this out, and both work on treating the children equally.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I was in a similar situation a while back. I loved his children as if they were my own, even though I didn't carry them or give birth to them or even raise them. It's a package deal. He however, did not love my son the same as his own children. I refused to marry him. Package deal. Why wouldn't you be able to love a child you didn't or raise? You love the man and you didn't have or raise him....millions of adoptive parents love their adopted children as if they were their own. I really think you two need to put a serious hiatus on the marriage until you two figure out why you don't love the other's child. That just isn't the standard.
    Eco-Mother

    Answer by Eco-Mother at 3:30 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I have to say that you should find away to love your step kids a bit more. If it is obvious that you don't treat them the same, and that strains your relationship, you need to work on it. These are children, it isn't their fault in anyway, and they deserve to be treated like little blessings. I love my exhubby's newborn. Why, because that is my daughters baby brother, and she loves him. It isn't that sweet little boy's fault that my ex and I had a bad marriage. That baby deserves my love, just because he is a child. I am a strong believer of the "takes a village" philosophy. Loving your neighbors children or your friends kids, are always going to be a bit different. You probably will love your own child a bit more than a step, but it shouldn't be obvious, especially to the kids and your fella. You need to love them in the same way, and be fair. If you two honestly can't, you should both rethink the relationship.
    BunniBunni

    Answer by BunniBunni at 7:52 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Even animals that are not of the same species nuture abanded babes.

    Whats wrong with you?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • God bless that man! He is doing good for protecting his child. He obviusly loves him.

    He wants a family it sounds like to me. And if you can't provide that maybe he will want to move on.

    That child is part him, why wouldn't you love him. And its a child! What did the child do to not deserve any love?
    IraqiVetWife

    Answer by IraqiVetWife at 9:29 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • That thinking maam is a step down mental and emotional abuse of that child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

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