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My Husband is bi polar. I feel jipped because no one told me about it. After 14 years of marriage I feel like someone from his family should have told me.

There were stories of breakdown when his first wife left him and some suicidal tendencies which should have been disclosed before we got married. I feel cheated. Do you think I have the right to feel this way? I have always wondered why he acts the way he does on things, I thought it's because he works for the POST OFFICE and because they treat people inhumanely. Enlighten me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:15 AM on Oct. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I really think after 14 years, you should have figured it out for yoursef that he was bipolar. As for his family not telling you, it wasnt their business to tell. They may have assumed he told you and figured there was no point in them bringing it up. I dont understand why you feel cheated. If you didnt know for the 14 yrs and Im assuming you were happy, why does it matter now that he is?
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 5:49 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • So your saying he did not tell you this while you where dating? You didn't see any bipolartype pills laying around the house for 14 years or him going to counseling on a weekly basis. None of his family slipped it to you?


    WAW, I would not be pissed at his family, I would be pissed at his for not telling you while you where dating. How could he keep that from you.


    Me personally, That's grounds for divorce.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:53 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • His family had no right to tell you. It was his place and his right to tell you. The fact that he didn't is wrong, but I find it hard to swallow that you dated him for however long, and spent 14 yrs living in the same house and never knew. I had a grandmother, an uncle, and two aunts who are all bipolar, and live in different states, and I could still tell. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just saying that I think perhaps you have known but have been living in denial all these years. As for whether or not you have the right to feel "jipped", I think you have the right to feel hurt and betrayed that he didn't tell you, and I certainly would feel my trust had been violated and have tons of trouble trusting him again. But at the same time, if you've been happy with him all these yrs, and don't regret it, I don't think "jipped" applies. That's more for when you get completely different than what you expected and aren't happy.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:22 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • His family should not tell you. That would be talking about him behind is back. He should definitely have told you, though, since it affects his life, and what affects his life affects his wife and family also. If he is on meds for the bipolar problem, it would seem that those around him would have noticed, unless he took great care to hide the meds and the costs and the prescriptions. At least now you'll understand him better and be able to work with him better.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:08 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • What difference does it make?

    Would you not love him if he had told you before?

    Obviously you have been fine for 14 years!

    All I can say is its done, you have a family you will live on.

    When he wants it support him. It can really hurt a mans ego if the woman he was supposed to cling to after leaving his mother rejects him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • your blaming the wrong person or people...the only person responsible for telling you about thier past is your husband....my husband has past issues too where he was institutionalized, we have been together for fifteen years now and i knew about it within the first few MONTHS of dating him...his family never talked about it because to them it was a part of his past they were ashamed of...so in the end your blaming the wrong person....and not only that but if he has had such a rocky history that even YOU noticed why have you never suggested he get help?
    blueeyedgrl2377

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 11:08 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • It took you FOURTEEN YEARS to figure out something like this? WOW. No i dont think you have the right to feel "jipped"....IMO you should have been paying a lot closer attention to what was going on. You knew about some of the things he had dealt with and its not his family's place to disclose that kind of info.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 11:33 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • HE should have told you about his problem before you got married. That kind of dishonesty is unforgiveable. EIther he gets some help for himself and the both of you get marriage counseling or it is not going to work. I would be really upset and feel the lie would be too much to live with. It was NOT his family's job to tell you but they are enabling him and aiding and abetting. The whole bunch -the family and your husband-sound dishonest.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • You think YOU feel cheated? My dr didn't tell me I had it for over 15 yrs even though he knew. I just thought I was crazy in general.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Your poor husband. He has an unsupportive wife who thinks so little of him.  I have a social anxiety disorder and chronic depression.   Tried to kill myself when I was younger.  I am on great meds and it was under control when I married my husband so it wasn't something I discussed at great length with him.  I saw no point.  He married me for better or worse and when I had my son and it got bad he did not whine and make it about him he took care of me and helped me through it. 


    This is about him not you.  You have two choices put your feelings aside and help him or leave so he can find someone that will love and support him no matter what. 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

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